Children's Love Languages

When a child appears in the world, they don't know anything yet. Their consciousness and mind are pure. Their will is not yet formed. They can't say anything yet, but already begin to accept what comes from their parents. And father and mother's task includes natural obligation to teach their child their native language and place in the baby's heart basic behavioral features in their home, making the child a worthy member of society.

I know one family that lives in Germany. Mom and grandmother are from Russia, father is from Italy, children attend German school and study in it, besides German, additionally French and English. They can freely communicate in five languages and don't confuse them among themselves.

Wise people discovered that each person, besides conversational speech, also has language of their heart and feelings, based on which it's very pleasant for them to build relationships and which is closest to them. This feature is called children's love languages. A child doesn't choose their native language, but naturally learns what they hear and see.

Christian psychologists identified 5 main love languages that are understandable to all people and which are heart language of each person. These are communication, gifts, touch, help and time spent in this person's company.

A baby doesn't know how to love and express their attachment to parents in one language or another. But they learn this from their parents. And that love language that brings them most pleasure becomes most understandable and desired for them.

Parents should understand this science and feature of children's perception. Father and mother should constantly prove their love to their small child through communication in all love languages. The very first expression of parental love is touch, communication and time. And then in the upbringing process gifts and help are included.

Think about what your love language is and why you most like to express your love in this language and receive it from others? And the answer can be found in your childhood, when such perception of parental love was subconsciously formed that you most wanted to experience.

Child's love language is their heart language. If someone begins to confess love to me in a language unknown to me, then despite all this person's effort and all their openness, my heart won't understand anything, although by behavior and facial expressions of loving friend I can determine that they're trying to convey something very important and useful to me and put all their soul, feelings and heart into this. But when I hear familiar native speech, I can perceive both meaning and that depth that's placed in my native language. And then this expression of love becomes most beautiful music for me that I could listen to always.

There's also reverse, negative side of love languages that's worth knowing and considering. If someone begins to use love language to cause pain and humiliate with it, then the heart perceives this many times stronger and reacts more sensitively than if this were in other languages. Although our psyche over time forms certain barriers and protection from unfamiliar people, the heart always wants to open to a dear person and communicate with them from heart to heart. And when dear soul takes knife in hands and thrusts it thoughtlessly into open heart, then this is very painful, and you don't know what to do with this, and go for comfort to God, who, understanding your love language, begins to gently heal your wounds.

When you've determined your child's love language and can prove your love to them in this language, then set your heart not to use this language for thoughtless spontaneous punishment. For example, if your son most loves your touches and hugs, and then receives slaps and cuffs with these same hands, then this will very strongly traumatize his children's psyche and cause heavy experiences in his heart because of such injustice. And scars from such negativity on your part can bleed for very long time and remind of themselves.

If parents know about love languages and understand in what language it's best for them to communicate with each other, then they will naturally express their love for child in their heart's native language. And the child will learn this language and will successfully master it, and sometime will want to communicate with their parents and brethren in it. But wise parents can teach their child all love languages and make them polyglot in this respect so much that it will be pleasant for child to give and receive love in any dialect and accent. Although over time one of these languages will still begin to dominate in their heart, other languages will also delight your child, and they will gladly communicate in them.

Each love language has its rules, its grammar, its certain laws that parents need to know and study before they begin to teach it. It will be very difficult for me to teach someone what I myself don't understand. And if you simply learn couple greeting words and consider them sufficient to touch soul strings and tease consciousness, then this is very little, and you will be polite foreigner to your child.

It's very important to know and master your children's love language because heart language is that narrow path to soul through which Holy Spirit can use your spiritual knowledge to convey God's love to child's heart clearly, through your heart.

Mass of useful instructions and stories about God's love may be incomprehensible to young mind if all this isn't supported by your behavior in their heart language. It's difficult for baby to understand God's love if they don't see it in relationships with their parents. But native manifestation of parental love will be able to immediately convey to young consciousness that depth of God's love and care that will naturally gladden children's heart.

If parents know about existence of these love languages and from childhood practice communication in each of them, then it will be very interesting for child to see and receive love in any form.

But if you only today learned that foreigner lives in your house who simply doesn't understand you or is closed from you, then it's worth making effort and understanding in what heart language you can have heart-to-heart talk with your child.

Your children won't live with you forever. Sometime they will leave parental nest and begin building their life far from you. And if they remain foreigners to you whose language you don't want to understand and study, then they're unlikely to be drawn to you for soulful communication, except perhaps from sense of duty, since they need to honor you somehow.

If your parents are still alive and you have relationships with them, but not as close as you'd like, then try to understand in what love language it's pleasant for them to build close relationships and what's valuable to them. Dedicate time and learn their love language, and communicate with them in it. After all, perhaps they will never study this topic and won't strain their efforts to understand your heart language and even begin learning it. As people say: "If the mountain won't come to Mohammed, then Mohammed will go to the mountain." And this rule concerns all your neighbors.

1. Please read Mark 16:17; 1 Cor. 13:1; 14:18; Song 4:11; Gen. 11:7; Ps. 19:3-4; 139:4; Prov. 10:20; 18:21; Isa. 28:11; Matt. 15:8; 1 John 3:18 in light of this chapter.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What did you understand from this chapter?

4. What is children's love language?

5. Why can't a child choose their own love language?

6. Why is it important to understand child's love language?

7. What happens if someone expresses love in unfamiliar language?

8. What is the danger of using love language to cause pain?

9. Why is it important to support instructions about God's love with your behavior?

10. What happens if parents don't study their child's heart language?

11. How can relationships with already grown children be improved?

12. Why does the heart want to open to spiritually kindred person?

13. Why does heart language perceive pain stronger than other languages?

14. Do you know what your love language is? If not, how can this be determined?