Love Through Communication

The gift of speech distinguishes humans from all other living beings. Although all representatives of the animal world can make various sounds and through this send warning signals to their kind, all of this lacks reason and logic. It is precisely human speech, its logic and consistency that testifies to the fact that you are dealing with a highly organized intelligent personality who can express their views, thoughts and feelings in a language understandable to you.

During the first year of life, children cannot speak, but they are very receptive and observant. If your words of love are not supported by your actions and emotions, then they remain for them a sound without meaning, which they will not be able to attach in their imagination to any object or action. But when the mother smiles at these words or tenderly takes the baby in her arms and presses him to herself, then the child develops an association of words of love with something pleasant and kind. The phrase "I love you, son," not supported by action, will sound to the child like a set of meaningless words.

That child who has tasted the delights of maternal tenderness and father's care, supported by appropriate words, will perceive the language of communication as something on which parents can express their love, which his young heart so needs.

Words of praise, encouragement, inspiration, comfort and support will be perceived by the young mind as the bread of life, and he will joyfully partake of this food and learn to share this language of love with those who surround him.

If the language of communication and praise is not your heart language, but your child understands this language best, then he will be a foreigner to you, but the most interesting thing is that you are also considered a foreigner to him, whose language he does not understand. And it is the task of wise parents to determine their child's heart language and learn to express their love to the young generation precisely in it. Children should not learn the parents' heart language, but the father and mother should learn to express their love in a language of love understandable to their child.

If your daughter best perceives parental love through the language of encouragement and praise, but the parents buy her toys, take her to the zoo or amusement parks, hug her at all times, help her with her childish tasks, then she will starve and wither in the environment of such parental attention. And, as often happens, parents will be outraged by such ungrateful attitude of their daughter in her heart language, which will further aggravate her thirst and lead her heart to greater despondency. And if the father and mother do not understand that they are simply foreigners to their daughter, then they are unlikely to change anything in their expression of love and will wait for their daughter to become smarter and see how and with what love they care for her. But the girl needs only a few kind words of approval and admiration to breathe enthusiasm into her and encourage her for further life struggle.

Shouting, swearing, insults, nagging, reproaches and threats are unacceptable for any child, but if this young creature understands the language of communication as a path to the heart, then such actions by parents will be deadly for his soul. Jesus taught in the Sermon on the Mount that the violation of the commandment "Do not kill" also consists in uttering angry and insulting words (Matt. 5:21-22). But the world is not without good people, and such beaten children will seek those who can give them their love in their native language. It is written in Prov. 18:21: "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits."

If parents have determined that their child is a foreigner and his heart language is words of encouragement, then they should learn this language and express their love precisely in it, even if it is incomprehensible to you how these words can gladden the heart. This should not be flattery or deception. You should not praise a child for nothing. Children are very attentive and smart. If they behave badly, and you scold them today and then suddenly praise them, they become confused by such inconsistency. If you speak words of encouragement very much or often, then the child will also not perceive them properly. Words of praise and support should be appropriate for the time and event in which your children find themselves.

Flattery, although it may be pleasant to the ears, is not perceived by the heart as a language of love, because love befriends truth, and it is precisely in this combination of mercy and justice that it produces and exerts proper influence on human mind and feelings.

It is worth noting that father and mother should know both their personal love languages and each other's heart languages and be able to express their tender feelings precisely in them. It happens that adults learn their heart language only when they study such lessons.

We are all different, and even the same heart language is perceived by each of us individually, according to place and time.

A child is that personality who, besides upbringing and feeding, needs to be studied, to discover deep talents in him, to uncover imperishable treasures of the soul and to teach that he is unique.

If you do not know how to master this language of love, but you understand that your child understands it perfectly, then make an effort and begin to learn and practice the acquired knowledge. It is not your son or daughter who should study your love language, but you theirs. The method of learning is as simple as in learning any language. Listen, write in your notebook and pronounce.

By the shine of children's eyes, by his joy, by his behavior and desire to hear more words of encouragement, you will immediately understand that your efforts have reached their goal.

If there is a dried and withered flower in your house, how will you heal it? Wiping the leaves, good music, sunlight, food additives, room temperature, although needed by the plant, will not help in this situation. The plant needs water, and only it can restore life to it. So also your children need water of life for their hearts, and parents should determine what kind of water it should be.

Food for the heart should be not only useful, but also tasty. In any language there are such words that can be spoken only to the closest and dearest people on special occasions. Arrange a festival of the soul for your children, choosing exactly what they like and brings the greatest joy. You can dryly praise a child for some achievement, or you can do it with special delight and surprise, describing the further prospects that open before him, or how he gladdens your heart with his actions. Children will never tire of listening to objective praise that they have earned.

But the child himself represents an amazing creation, in which there are very many unique features that he does not know, but with your help can learn. All children like gentle speech, calm voice of parents and respect for their dignity, no matter what heart language they speak. Therefore, parents need to know and master this language of love, which is understandable to all people, if you put your love and your kind feelings into it.

And kind language makes us kind.

1. Please read Eph. 4:29; Prov. 3:2; 12:8; 15:4; 16:24; 19:11; 25:1; 31:26; James 1:19; Isa. 66:13; Col. 3:21; 1 Cor. 13:4-5; 1 Thess. 2:11-12, in light of this chapter.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What did you understand from this chapter?

4. How do you understand the expression of love through communication?

5. Why do words of love without emotional support remain a meaningless set of sounds for an infant?

6. Give an example of a situation when parental care may be perceived by a child as ineffective.

7. What does the phrase "Death and life are in the power of the tongue" mean?

8. Why is it important to know each other's personal love languages in the family?

9. Why are children sensitive to their parents' inconsistency?

10. Why is objective praise important for children, especially for those whose communication is their love language?

11. How can you recognize that your efforts to communicate with your child have reached their goal?

12. Why shouldn't you wait for your child to first learn your love language?

13. How can you learn to hear and understand your child's heart language?

14. How are gentle speech and a child's emotional development connected?