Love Through Touch

The very first language of love that all children understand is gentle touch. Our body is thoroughly permeated with nerve endings, which at any contact with the surrounding world give a signal to the brain, and a person feels what he touches.

The very first lessons of love a child receives from his mother, who gently demonstrates her care and joy to him. And the mother herself, taking the newborn baby in her arms, experiences indescribable delight from touching this tiny person, who is part of her and whom she carried under her heart for so long. And through this tender connection of two kindred souls, an invisible bond is formed that is preserved for all subsequent life. It is written in Isa. 49:15: "Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you."

Touch and gentle words are vitally important and necessary for newborn children. Without them, children die literally.

There is a legend about how the king of the Roman Empire, Frederick II, who lived in the 13th century, ordered to isolate 50 newborn children, not to talk to them and not to take them in arms, but only to feed and change them, in order to find out what language they would speak. This experiment quickly ended because all the children died very quickly.

In the 20th century, in confirmation of this, workers of Romanian orphanages, where abandoned children were placed, reported high mortality and developmental delays in these babies, because no one dealt with them and no one took them in their arms.

The language of touch is the strongest and most convincing way to express your love and prove it in deed without unnecessary words.

What do you feel when you begin to stroke yourself on the arms, on the head, on other parts of the body? Is it pleasant for you to give yourself a massage? This does not bring you harm and pain, if there are no open wounds and inflammations. And if a person close to you does the same thing, showing special caution and tenderness, and at the same time saying kind words, then I think these will be interesting sensations. The language of touch is understandable to everyone, although not everyone has it as their native heart language.

But small children are born for hugs. And this is the simplest and most important food for their developing bodies. It is precisely through touch that the mother tells the child about love and with her gentle words fixes in the child's consciousness the connection of kind words, tender embraces and time in understanding the word "love." The father also contributes to teaching this language of love when he takes the child in his arms, changes him, kisses, strokes, leads by the hand and touches with reason and without any cause. And with age, this need for touch does not pass, but transforms.

You won't hold a teenage daughter on your knees anymore, and in front of peers she won't rejoice at your touches, but this is rather peculiarities of environmental influence than her personal ambitions. Here boundaries need to be respected. But in the family circle everything should be different.

A pat on the shoulder, a kiss when meeting or saying goodbye, a joyful embrace - all this creates a feeling of protection and need for your children, with which they feel loved and desired.

If touch is your child's love language, then parents need to constantly prove their love to him precisely in this language. These can be both prolonged embraces and various games, spontaneous touches, massage of individual body parts, combing and much similar.

If parents do not understand this love language of their child, but try to speak to him in other languages, then they will look like foreigners who do incomprehensible things and still expect some gratitude. Children do not study in the School of Love, and they have no knowledge that there are different languages of expressing love among children and adults. And blessed are those whose languages accidentally coincided.

If your child understands the language of touch, and you have discovered this for yourself, then speak to him about your love precisely in this language. And in addition to this, you can apply all your other knowledge of other expressions of love.

Remember, if your child enters the teenage period, he also needs constant proof of your love in a language understandable to him. It should not be the same as what is suitable for five-year-old children, but through trials and observations and by the teenager's reaction, you can easily understand what, when and how is acceptable and suitable for him, and continue to prove in exactly this way that you are the best parents in the world.

Any kind of physical punishment or violence against a child whose love language is touch is perceived by him much more painfully and tragically than all other types of punishment. This is like salt on an open wound. Therefore, if you know that touch is your son's heart language, then your physical punishment should be very wise and only in extreme cases with the permission of the guilty party. It happens that the cancellation of physical punishment works much more effectively in the process of upbringing than spontaneous punishment, which can embitter a child's heart for a long time.

The language of touch is any touch to your child's body, both accidental and intentional, and therefore you should be extremely careful and at the same time rich in imagination.

If you notice that your son often touches you for various reasons, do not shy away from his touches and do not scold him for this, considering that he will become a "mama's boy." Within the boundaries of your home without unnecessary witnesses, children need to be given as much love and affection as they can and want to accept. And in response to their thirst for touch, give them more than they expect.

I remember a case when at one camp meeting I befriended two little girls who, when convenient, took me by the arms and sat nearby at all seminars. Their brother watched this event and then, realizing that he too could be embraced, began to climb under my arm, wanting to receive my embraces. I understood that this was his love language, and gladly proved to him that I loved him too. The boy was in absolute delight.

Unfortunately, many people are afraid to touch other people's children, so as not to be considered perverts, and children do not understand why few people want to give them their attention and tenderness.

We read in Mark 10:13: "And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them." Mothers wanted the Lord to touch their children. I think the children themselves were not against it either, but the disciples were of a different opinion. There will always be those for whom touches mean nothing, but this should not be feared. Jesus still wants to touch your children with your hands, and strangers too, and adults too, putting all His love into it. And someone will understand that they have been touched in a special way and will receive special blessing.

I remember how once, greeting all the brothers, I embraced one young man, originally from the Caucasus, who liked such an attitude from my side. And then he told me that I was the first person who embraced him so sincerely. I hope I was not the last to touch him in such a way.

1. Please read Song 8:7; Matt. 18:5-6; 20:34; Mark 8:22; 10:13-16; Luke 15:20; 18:15; Gen. 3:4; 20:6; Eccl. 4:11, in light of this chapter.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What did you understand from this chapter?

4. How do you understand the expression "language of touch"?

5. What types of touches do you know?

6. Why are touches so important for a child's development?

7. Are there cultural and ethical differences in showing tenderness through touching children?

8. What processes occur in the body during gentle or timely touches?

9. Which biblical characters showed love through touches?

10. How does God show His love through touches?

11. What to do if a child doesn't like touches? How to teach him to love this heart language?

12. Why are adults afraid to show tenderness to other people's children?

13. Can touches heal emotional traumas?

14. Is it possible to learn to love through touches?