What Will You Choose for Yourselves Now?

It is written in Deut. 11:26: "See, I set before you today a blessing and a curse." This choice concerns many spheres of people's lives and each of us has to choose exactly what we want, and the consequences are the result of our choice.

When parents enter the adolescent period of their child, I would like to ask them what choice of behavior suits them most? Do they desire curses for themselves or do they dream of blessings? I think that not a single family even thinks that their life and relationships with their beloved children could become a curse, both for themselves and for their children.

I remember one mother who shared with my wife, when we had just married, her feelings about her daughter, saying: "While my daughter was small, I loved her madly, but now that she has become a teenager, I hate her and cannot stand to see her!" I listened to such testimony and did not understand where such dislike for one's own child came from? Especially since her daughter was an ordinary young girl who behaved modestly and politely with strangers.

I also remember stories from my peers, when I myself was a teenager, about how they war with their "ancestors." That's what parents were called.

Such testimonies frighten many young and uninformed parents about the coming time of trial and can even program their consciousness for such a war.

But God did not lay elements of curse into the child's development. The growth and changes in young people that begin to occur at a certain time is God's plan for development and personality formation during the transition from parental dependence to independent life. Any child is destined to become an adult and arrange their personal life at their own discretion. Any child must go through puberty and acquire reproductive functions of the organism in order to have the power to produce people like themselves. And if this process is stopped to please unreasonable parents, they will get a disabled person who will have to be treated comprehensively so that all natural processes return to normal.

The teenager is not at all to blame for becoming an adult. But for him all these processes are new and he has neither experience nor knowledge of how to conduct himself properly, what is happening to him, what will happen next and when it will end. And his behavior at this time is a natural reaction to that unknown into which he entered and in which he continues to go. He very much needs the support of his parents, their understanding and their unconditional love. Although he doesn't speak about it, he very much needs someone who will explain something to him, support and comfort him.

The absence of light and information about the adolescent period, both in children and in parents, the enemy of souls will certainly use in his plans and will try to spoil close relationships for a long time or remove heartfelt warmth and affection from them.

Unfortunately, many parents unwittingly choose precisely this path of curse, both for themselves and for their children. And this is not a conscious choice and, by and large, many fathers and mothers would be horrified if they were told directly what their unreasonable relationships with children and the struggle for authority in the family would lead to.

But the Lord thought everything out very wisely, as something beautiful that brings blessing. His plans include that the transitional age from childhood to youth should become the most beautiful time for forming friendly relationships with one's children. And why fear what should bring joy and be a constant blessing? And if some difficulties arise, they can be understood and such a solution found that will not cause anyone harm and pain. If you add 2 plus 2 together, how many correct answers will we get? One. And how many incorrect answers can there be? Infinitely many. Truth is universal in that it is one and objective, while conjectures that distort it can be very many, and blessed is he who has known the truth and whom it has made free from all lies and deception.

Parents who have approached the time when their child enters the adolescent period need to prepare themselves for necessary changes in relationships with the growing person and independently study this question from reliable sources. It is important to be extremely careful when choosing wise teachers for yourself. If it is neighbor Manya, who authoritatively manages her family and keeps everyone in "iron gloves," then her advice will very quickly destroy your family and bring no benefit. Before you begin to listen to anyone on the question of relationships with a teenager, make sure that this knowledge will lead you to love, happiness and friendship in your family. You are dealing not with a monster that must be defeated, but with your direct relative who needs your unconditional love, unconditional friendship and must receive this from you. And if you offer him something else, this will not be accepted, but thrown in your face with contempt. And true love and wisdom are given only by God.

The blessing of the adolescent period is completely in the power of parents. Choose precisely this path and you will see how beautiful and easy it is, complex and interesting, unique and unusual, simple and mysterious in its design.

Any blessing includes eternal principles: love, happiness and friendliness of your heart. It is precisely with such an attitude toward life and people that you can build many good things, and your teenager is no exception to the rules, but an amazing and not long-lasting experience.

It is worth determining the conditional boundaries of the beginning of this period. The most interesting time begins from the moment when you hear from your child requests to leave him alone or not to interfere with him being alone. This is not what you are used to sometimes hearing when your children are tired, but a conscious statement in a rude form. Let this become a signal for new changes in your consciousness.

Of course, the period of growing up began much earlier, but if you did not notice this, then such statements from your children act soberly. They have become adults, though still small, but already irreversible. And you need to accept this as a fact and not fight it, but enter this time with prayers and a thirst for new knowledge.

A radical change of thinking and perception of the new personality must occur in the parents' heads, who will now live and act differently than it was until now.

You must not hold childhood in the teenager's life and expect him to return to this beautiful world. He will enter it now only when he gives birth to his own children. Say goodbye to your expectations of that unquestioning obedience that was the norm of life in your house. It will not go anywhere, if the child was raised in this, but it will pass through the fire of critical thinking and will be purified by the power of free choice and making independent decisions.

The time of basic upbringing ended in the childhood phase and those methods of your influence that were accessible to your children will cause indignation and resistance in the teenager's heart. Do not be afraid. The seed of truth sown by you in childhood continues its growth.

1. Please read Josh. 24:15; Prov. 13:1; 14:12; 15:1; Gal. 6:7; Eph. 6:1,4; Isa. 54:13; Rom. 12:10; James 1:5; Col. 3:20, in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What was revealed to you in this chapter?

4. Why does the choice of parents' relationship model play a key role in the child's life during the adolescent period?

5. How does lack of knowledge about adolescence affect family relationships?

6. Why might parents perceive a maturing child as a threat to their authority?

7. Why is the transitional age a blessing and not a curse?

8. Why might parents unwittingly choose the path of curse for their family?

9. Is it important to understand how the teenager's natural reaction to internal changes is expressed?

10. Why can expecting unquestioning obedience destroy relationships?

11. Why does a teenager need support even if he doesn't show it?

12. Why is it so important to maintain an atmosphere of love in the family?

13. How does respect for the teenager's personality affect his behavior?

14. How can adolescence become the most beautiful time for the family?