Understanding Parental Obligation

Young father and mother who have a child enter a lifelong school of family relationships and learn together with their children everything that each age and each character of the child offers them. The responsibility that Heaven placed on them for raising children does not go away, is not transferred to anyone, but encourages parents to seek new ways, new solutions and make changes in their thinking and approach to upbringing.

In the adolescent period, the influence of father and mother as educators of their child continues to have a certain effect and accomplish in the lives of young people what should take place.

Teaching independence and shifting responsibility from parental shoulders to the child's shoulders is a prolonged process that will take many years, although the very fact of granting freedom can be very quick.

It is important to understand that if a teenager has appeared in your house who has begun to behave differently than before, and sometimes even defiantly, you remain the parents of this growing person, are obliged to control his behavior and at the same time provide him with more freedom in making independent decisions.

The teenager very much needs you, but not in the role of strict gendarmes or permissive observers, but in the role of wise mentors who with their words, influence and personal example will give answers to many important questions. During this period, the parents' task includes getting ahead of the world in providing needed and important information that children are waiting for and will definitely receive.

We read: "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Prov. 22:6). This instruction relates to the transitional age and speaks of a young man, not only of an infant.

The teenager very much needs instruction. Everything that was laid in him in childhood and what he was taught in the early years of life will help him manifest these qualities of soul in adolescence as well. The teenager continues to learn to live, and this learning program becomes more complex and interesting. His mind learns to solve complex problems, and independent life will offer him many difficult questions in which he will need help from outside. In this case, parents are the first mentors. However, they must understand that they are dealing with a maturing person with whom they need to behave differently than with a small child.

Knowing that the adolescent period carries many surprises both for the child and for themselves, parents should begin to conduct confidential conversations with their growing children. It will be very interesting for children to listen about who they will become in the future, how strong and beautiful their body will become, how they will learn to be independent and that someday they will have to leave their father's house and build their life away from their parents. These conversations will never be forgotten, and when these changes come into the children's lives, they will remember everything they heard earlier. And father and mother will always find something to say next time as well.

Many fears and experiences may not even touch children's imagination if they are told in advance about changes in physiology, about new feelings, about new views on life and on people of the opposite sex.

God will certainly give wisdom to those parents who will ask Him for this, in order to invest the best principles and values in their inheritance.

Do not make basic mistakes: excessive control or complete absence of boundaries. Both should exist, but in the right proportions and framework.

No matter how rebellious your teenagers become—they still love you and cannot live without you. Neither school, nor church, nor clubs or some organizations should take the place of parents or take upon themselves the responsibility for upbringing. Father and mother should be the first and last mentors, controlling what influence their children fall under.

Also, it should become a rule for parents to understand that all kinds of physical punishment are inadmissible in adolescence. And if extreme measures have to be taken, these should be explanatory conversations and deprivation of usual benefits and services. But we will talk about this later.

It is important to understand that turbulent or violent expression of feelings and emotions from the teenager should not deprive parents of the desire to figure out what is more important at the given moment—punishment or helping the child manage his emotions.

Parents need to voice what they do not like, while not accusing the teenager of bad behavior. They are also people who may like or dislike something, and the teenager should take this into account. Any rules established in the house should always be observed. If it is the teenager's turn to perform household duties, then he should not be freed from them, but made to understand that no one else will do this work besides him.

It is important for parents to examine their hearts and understand whether there is pride in them that prevents wise influence and proper reaction to inadequate behavior of the growing person. Rudeness or harshness may seem like the simplest and surest solution to complex problems, but they need to be removed from one's heart. God will help replace this sin with wiser relationships.

It is also important to show trust to the teenager if he justifies it: when he responsibly performs assigned tasks, when he associates with good company, when he openly talks about his experiences and when he shows interest in parental instructions.

Control from parents is also necessary: — if the child begins to hide something; — if he develops bad company; — if he was caught lying; — if he carelessly relates to family rules and violates order.

But this control should be wise and should not deprive the teenager of self-respect.

Also, parents should establish reasonable boundaries in all spheres of life: — in finances: the child should understand that money is a limited resource; — in nutrition: at home it is customary to eat what everyone eats; — in internet use: he should use it at established times and for proper purposes; — in daily routine: everything has its time; — in communication: rudeness and insults are inadmissible in the house; — in independence: he can choose his own clothing but should not skip school or church services.

In the matter of attending worship services, special wisdom is necessary. One should not force a teenager to do what he does not understand or does not want. If he has no friends at church, one should not "buy" his attendance with promises of privileges. We will talk about this later.

The teenager may make mistakes, and it is important to understand with what spirit he does this. Reproaches, scolding, comparison with others, humiliation and insults—all these are inadmissible methods of upbringing. They need to be forever excluded from one's vocabulary and thrown out of the heart.

It is worth remembering that not only our lessons, but also state laws place certain obligations on parents for upbringing and care until a certain age of their children. And your child should belong to your house and be under your influence until he reaches the proper age and begins independent life.

1. Please read Josh. 24:15; Prov. 4:1; 10:1; 15:20; 19:18; 20:7; 23:24; Matt. 7:11; Mark 10:14; James 1:5; 3John 1:4; Deut. 6:6-7, in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What was revealed to you in this chapter?

4. Why does responsibility before Heaven for raising children have limited time?

5. Why does the process of teaching independence take many years?

6. What should be the balance between control and freedom for a teenager?

7. Why is it important to "get ahead of the world" in providing information to teenagers?

8. Why is it important for a child to trust parents as first mentors?

9. Why is it important to tell children in advance about changes in physiology and emotions?

10. Why do teenagers, despite rebelliousness, continue to love parents who care for them?

11. How can parental pride negatively influence the upbringing of teenagers?

12. How can we help a teenager make independent decisions?

13. Should parental responsibility before God become hyper-responsibility?

14. Why are respect and trust between parents and teenagers the foundation of their relationship?