Shifting Responsibility to the Teenager

Parents are those who gave birth. Nannies are those who nursed. Educators are those who educated. Mentors are those who mentored. Teachers are those who taught. And all these people can be father and mother, by the responsibility placed on them by Heaven. But the time comes when parents must place all their responsibility on the shoulders of their growing children and give them absolute freedom.

Shifting responsibility is a prolonged process that should touch all spheres of the teenager's life. It begins with confidential conversations in which father or mother first prepare and then introduce their child to the world of independent life. In some cases, this responsibility can manifest already at an early age, when the child is explained hygiene rules, taught restraint, allowed to choose something, and also when he begins to study and receive homework that he must complete independently.

But in the adolescent period, all types of parental responsibility should be transferred to son and daughter, so that they themselves bear responsibility before Heaven for their decisions and behavior, and also answer for all consequences of their choice and way of life.

The animal world clearly demonstrates this model. Many birds feed their chicks until a certain time, protect them at the cost of their own life, and then push the strengthened teenagers out of the nest so that they themselves begin to fly and obtain food for themselves.

Wise parents prepare their children for independent life in advance and warn them that they will not always live together and depend on their parents. The time will come when, having become adults, it will be necessary for them to leave the parental home forever and build their life independently of father and mother. This is not entirely clear to small children, but they already see certain outlines of that goal that they will someday reach.

Shifting responsibility implies weakening control from parents, which transitions into attentive observation and providing greater freedom of choice and action. At the same time, parents can give wise advice and set the right direction.

When a teenager attends some educational institution, it is necessary to make him understand that he himself must bear responsibility for his grades and behavior. Parents will not solve any problems for him in these areas, talk with teachers and persuade them to be more merciful to their child. The teenager himself must answer for how he studies and how he behaves. However, father and mother can ask son or daughter questions: • "How do you see this situation?" • "What do you plan to do next?" • "What way out do you find?"

A responsible teenager should determine his further attitude toward studies himself. And directing him in the right direction can be done with leading questions, offering several correct solutions from which he can choose the most suitable.

Parental praise for the right choice strengthens the sense of responsibility in the teenager's heart and helps him overcome fears in subsequent decision-making.

Father and mother often tell their children about the time when they themselves were children and teenagers, learned independent life, going through certain trials, difficulties, fears and adventures. Teenagers, seeing the absence of influence and pressure from their grandparents on their parents, learn from the personal example of father and mother that they are dealing with independent and responsible people.

The only responsibility before God that parents will never be able to transfer to anyone in order not to bear it in subsequent life is their love or its absence, their personal example and their influence toward good or evil.

When I teach my daughter to think herself about preparing food and choose for herself what is tasty and useful, then, having made sure that she learned this, I can not think about what to feed her, but know that she herself will solve this problem. And if she is lazy to do this, then several missed meals will quickly bring to her consciousness the thought that now she herself is responsible for her nourishment. Of course, I do not mean times of hunger when no one around has any food.

Following order in the house, it is very useful to have a daily schedule list. But, shifting responsibility to the teenager, I ask him to compose the schedule himself: when and what he should do. He should determine himself when to get up and go to bed, when to do homework and exercises, and my power includes maintaining his choice within the framework of our household order. For example, my daughter should cook dinner for the whole family twice a week and decide herself what to make and at what time, but so as not to poison us with an exotic combination of who knows what. And her refusal of this duty deprives us of a common dinner and we all together bear these consequences.

The financial side of shifting responsibility has special significance in older adolescent age. But the teenager should be led to this gradually, teaching him that the pocket money he receives for personal expenses is limited and has the property of running out. Children quickly learn this when they begin to manage personal funds. In this sphere, they need to be given many explanations, advice and examples, leading them to learn to earn themselves, in addition to what they receive from parents. If the son spent everything at once—this is his right. But this does not mean that he will immediately receive more. Let the consequences of his choice and mistakes in handling money fall on his shoulders and become his concern.

The teenager can choose his own clothing, but he should also wash it himself, iron it, put it in its proper place and monitor its neatness. Let this become his direct duty, which should not be removed from him. Of course, many things cost much more than the teenager can afford, and parents need to determine what is necessary and what relates to the desire to "be like everyone else." If their son wants to acquire something for which there is no urgent need, let him save for it himself and buy it under his own responsibility.

When choosing this or that life direction or making important decisions, compiling a "pros and cons" table is very helpful. In it, wise parents can clearly show the teenager what advantages await him when choosing this path and what problems may arise. When the young mind learns to analyze and draw conclusions before making a decision, it is easier for him to see the dangers and advantages of a given question. And knowing what he will have to face, he will more easily take responsibility upon himself.

Allow children to make mistakes and answer for their blunders themselves. But at the same time ask them leading questions with the help of which they can find the right way out and solution themselves.

If they have conflicts with teachers or friends, let them resolve these questions without your interference, but with your moral support if they need it.

Heaven does not deprive parents of the right to pray for their children, and blessed are those teenagers for whom parents pray.

1. Please read Gal. 6:5; Col. 3:21; Rom. 12:10; 14:12; 2Cor. 5:10; Prov. 3:1-2; 9:9; 20:11; 2Tim. 2:15; Luke 24:48; Eccl. 11:9, in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What was revealed to you in this chapter?

4. What does "shifting responsibility" to the teenager mean?

5. Why should parents weaken control as the child grows up?

6. How can one explain to a child that he should answer for his actions himself and bear the consequences of his choice himself?

7. Would it be right to accustom the teenager to making decisions and planning his life himself?

8. How should parents react if the teenager refuses to fulfill his duties?

9. Why should the teenager answer for his grades and behavior at school himself?

10. How to guide the teenager in learning without taking responsibility upon oneself?

11. How to teach the teenager to analyze his actions with the help of a "pros and cons" table?

12. What decisions should the teenager make independently, and which ones with parental help?

13. How should parents react if the teenager makes serious mistakes while trying to solve something on his own?

14. Should parents interfere in the teenager's disputes with friends?