Independence

The striving for freedom, independence, self-reliance and responsibility is initially embedded in human nature. This striving loudly declares itself from the earliest age, when a toddler wants to do something himself and purposefully moves toward this goal. As the child grows, parents give him the opportunity to be independent in some matters and teach him proper manners: to hold a spoon and eat from it, to dress himself and lace up shoes, to wash hands, brush teeth and wash his face. Each year these tasks become more numerous, and their independent completion is considered normal.

Independence is a unique human ability to make decisions oneself, act independently of others, have one's own opinion, take responsibility for one's actions, control one's feelings and thoughts, and also build boundaries in relationships with other people. The development of independence begins in early childhood and lasts a lifetime. In adolescence, this process goes through its most active and decisive stage, which can be called: "Therefore shall a son leave his father and his mother" (see Gen. 2:24). After this, a person can be considered independent, although he continues to learn this.

Independence touches many aspects of the teenager's life, and he does not always know what and how to do correctly. However, through trial and error, he acquires necessary experience and gains independence from others.

But it is worth remembering that true freedom is based on absolute dependence on God and obedience to His will, which is clearly expressed in His Word. True freedom implies conscious obedience to God and His law. These principles are important to instill in a child from early childhood and constantly remind him of them while he lives with you in the same house, showing by personal example how this looks in the lives of parents.

Some circumstances can accelerate the process of growing up and developing independence: illness or death of parents, difficult economic situation, war, natural disasters, poverty, conscious choice of independence and purposeful upbringing in this area.

Being independent does not mean complete loneliness, refusal of outside help and complete independence from others. It means that a person has his own opinion, which may coincide with the opinion of those around him, and boldly acts in accordance with his convictions, even if not everyone acts this way. He accepts help from others if it is rational and can ease his efforts.

Independence manifests itself in different spheres of life: • Life independence — the ability to serve oneself and one's natural needs without outside help (for example, preparing food, choosing clothing, cleaning one's room and maintaining order in it). • Social independence — the ability to communicate with people, having one's own opinion and life position, the ability to build proper boundaries and respect the choice of others. • Financial independence — the ability to earn money through one's own labor and wisely manage available funds. • Spiritual independence — firm life principles based on God's will and the ability to live by them despite the opinion of those around. • Emotional independence — the ability to control one's thoughts and feelings, understand the nature of conflicts and keep the lower forces of the soul under the control of reason, consciousness and will. • Intellectual independence — independent learning, choosing pure sources of information, the ability to think critically and analytically and find answers through logical means.

One way or another, any teenager will master this science and transition from childhood to adult life. When you meet an unfamiliar young person of about twenty years old and have common business with him, you would probably be surprised if to every proposal of yours he refers to his parents' opinion and worries whether they will forbid him to do something. We expect that by this age a person becomes independent and can decide for himself how to live. This is the norm of life in any country. Even state laws define 18 years as the age of majority, after which a citizen is fully responsible for himself, and his parents no longer bear responsibility for his behavior and actions.

Your son or daughter may live separately from you, but this does not yet mean that they have become independent and self-reliant. Also, they may live with you in the same house, but at the same time be independent and not need your participation in their life.

The level of a teenager's independence can be determined by the following factors: • The ability to make decisions based on one's own opinion and personal analytical conclusions. • The ability to answer for one's actions and mistakes without shifting blame to others. • The ability to organize one's day, plan affairs and achieve set goals. • The ability to cope with difficulties and bear the consequences of wrong choices. • The ability to save and spend money, and later — to earn using one's professional and intellectual skills. • Choosing a profession and work according to one's inclinations and interests. • The ability to work without praise and approval from others, evaluating one's actions independently of others' opinions. • Readiness to follow one's convictions even if others laugh at him.

Independence forms confidence in the teenager and raises his self-esteem. It gives him strength and decisiveness in making important decisions, teaches him to listen to wise advice but not depend on others' opinions.

Independence implies freedom of choice but is not freedom itself. For example, if a teenager can freely go out on the street but does not know how to navigate the area, does not observe traffic rules and has no sense of time, such "freedom" can cost him dearly. Or if he receives a large sum of money and complete freedom to spend it, but has no wisdom and does not know the value of money, then despite his "freedom," he will quickly be left with nothing and even get into debt.

If a teenager decided that he can live separately but at the same time comes to eat and wash clothes at his parents', asks them for money for living and their car for his trips, then such "freedom" has nothing in common with independence.

A person who for the sake of personal freedom decided not to work anywhere and not have income will soon understand that such freedom does not make him independent from the world and its goods.

Social networks and internet technologies create an illusion of freedom but make the teenager dependent on others' evaluations and others' opinions, offering what sometimes contradicts common sense.

Freedom is the possibility to choose without pressure from outside. Independence is the ability to bear responsibility for one's free choice. True adulthood comes when the teenager combines both qualities: he is free but acts wisely and consciously.

Parents can contribute to developing independence in the child and accelerate his growing up through purposeful upbringing and teaching in this sphere of life.

1. Please read John 8:36; Prov. 3:5-6; 12:11; 25:28; 29:25; Jer. 17:7; Gen. 2:24; 1Cor. 6:12; 13:11; Eph. 4:14-15; Deut. 30:19; Josh. 1:9; Heb. 5:14, in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What was revealed to you in this chapter?

4. How did Jesus manifest independence in His ministry while remaining dependent on the Father?

5. What fears prevent teenagers from taking on more responsibility?

6. What distinguishes true independence from the illusion of independence?

7. How does the verse Genesis 2:24 ("leave father and mother") relate to the idea of growing up?

8. Why is true freedom, according to the Bible, possible only in dependence on God (John 8:36)?

9. How can parents help a child develop independence without suppressing his initiative?

10. What parental mistakes can slow down the process of developing independence in a teenager?

11. Why does "living separately from parents" not always equal true independence?

12. How do prayer and Scripture study help in making wise choices?

13. Why can independence without spiritual guidelines lead to destruction?

14. How can we distinguish healthy independence from proud stubbornness?