Teaching Independence

The teenager's transition from childhood to independence is not a matter of one day and not a solution to one question. This is a process that begins from the moment of birth and continues until coming of age. Coming of age is considered to occur at 18 years because by this age a person acquires many practical skills and is capable of bearing responsibility for his life.

Whether parents do something for their child to grow up correctly, or allow him to somehow find himself in this world on his own, he will still grow up and become independent. But with what quality and spirit—this depends on the dominating influence under which his growing up will take place.

In large cities there are many temptations and enticements that create difficulties for God-fearing parents. However, if they cannot move closer to nature, then the Lord will give them strength and wisdom on how to act correctly in these conditions. Rural areas, though more favorable for forming good habits, will not bring much benefit if parents do not fight for their children's future, not investing efforts in forming their characters according to God's plan, but allow the world to exert its influence leading to the soul's destruction.

The enemy of souls does not sleep. While he is still alive, he tirelessly seeks opportunities to steal, kill and destroy. It is foolish to count on his mercy if nothing is undertaken to destroy his pernicious influence. When fruit on a tree is not yet ripe, the owners do not worry too much about its preservation. But when the time of ripening comes, many appear who wish to steal or spoil this fresh fruit: insects, birds, passersby look at it with lust and, in the absence of proper protection and control, are ready to steal or damage it.

So too in a child's life there is a time when puberty begins, and he becomes a desirable object for spirits of wickedness in heavenly places striving to cause irreparable harm to the growing organism.

The very first thing in the process of teaching independence is providing the teenager freedom to do what he can already do himself, but at the same time placing responsibility on him for his behavior and its consequences. For example, when a toddler is taught to use the potty independently but he doesn't want to learn this, then wet pants create certain discomfort for him. This way he learns to compare the charm of dry clothing with the inconvenience of wet clothing.

And further—more interesting. First steps develop coordination of the vestibular apparatus and teach the child not to fall. The first trip to the store helps understand the value of money and the joy of purchase. First school assignments instill diligence in their completion.

In the transitional age, despite active growth, the teenager remains a child in many ways, but not forever. Girls develop emotionally faster than boys, and parents should take this peculiarity into account, especially if the family has children of both sexes.

It is important to teach the teenager to make decisions himself and bear responsibility for them. For example, he should decide himself what to wear, how to spend pocket money, what profession to choose, independently take care of collecting and submitting necessary documents, when to do homework and then answer to teachers himself for not completing it.

Mistakes in many situations are inevitable, but they are precisely the best teachers. They encourage young people to think and analyze their actions and their consequences.

The ability to plan one's life and time also enters into teaching independence. The teenager should learn to set short-term and long-term goals and achieve them independently. At the same time, he should be able to plan, prepare for fulfilling what is planned, gather necessary information, consider possible expenses and analyze the result obtained.

For example, if he decided to master a musical instrument, he should find information on this question himself, make a schedule of lessons and understand how much he really needs this.

Do not be afraid to assign the teenager important tasks that he has not performed before. He should feel himself needed in solving the family's daily questions and not be afraid to take on responsible projects for the common family good.

Preparing food for himself should also enter the list of the teenager's natural duties. He can learn this himself, but parents need to give him appropriate knowledge about what is useful and what cannot be eaten. This question should be considered in early childhood and become a norm of life in the adolescent period.

Parents sometimes have to leave children alone at home, and this is not easy, especially if the children are still small. However, the teenager needs personal space and time to be alone. In such moments he is more open to learning independence, as he can analyze his life and plan the future without direct control from parents.

Conversations about the future help the teenager realize that he is growing up. Talks about the fact that at a certain moment he will have to leave his father's house prepare him for this inevitable move.

Father and mother should learn to formulate correct questions that make the teenager think about his behavior, evaluate the consequences of his actions and draw conclusions from mistakes. It is also important to discuss his feelings and experiences without violating his freedom to answer or not answer. Sometimes it is useful to tell what the parents themselves felt at this age, how they coped with the flow of thoughts and circumstances, what mistakes they made and what lessons they learned.

Financial literacy also plays an important role in becoming independent. The teenager needs more money than a small child, as he has new needs and desires. Parents should teach him how to earn money independently and manage it wisely.

Do not solve all the teenager's problems for him—let him face the consequences of his decisions himself and learn to overcome them. Your wise questions will help him analyze the situation and draw conclusions for the future. If he continues to step on the same "rakes," try not to subject yourself together with him to these blows of fate. Your personal example, your influence and your experience should suggest to him how to correctly solve life questions and decide independently.

It is very important to develop critical thinking in the teenager and teach him to trust only God. Leading questions help look at any information from different sides and draw conclusions about how honest and useful it is.

Critical thinking is a person's ability to subject everything to doubt except God's word, but at the same time control his doubt and conduct deep analysis of received data. Let the teenager learn to test everything before making it his conviction and accepting it at "face value."

If your son or daughter prefer to trust not you but the other parent more, then do not be jealous about this and allow him to receive necessary advice and wise instructions from your other half.

1. Please read 1Thess. 5:21; Col. 2:8; 1Tim. 4:12; 2Tim. 2:15; Ps. 119:9; Matt. 6:33; Prov. 1:1-8; 6:6-8; 10:4; 15:5; 23:26; Jer. 29:11; 1Cor. 3:11, in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What was revealed to you in this chapter?

4. Why does independence not come in one moment but is formed gradually?

5. How does environment (city or countryside) influence the formation of a teenager's character?

6. What temptations and enticements prevent a teenager from becoming truly independent?

7. How can parents find balance between control and trust in educating independence?

8. Why is it important to give the teenager the right to make mistakes?

9. How can we teach a teenager to bear the consequences of his decisions?

10. What mistakes do parents make when they try to protect a child from any difficulties?

11. Why is it important for a teenager to be able to prepare at least simple dishes?

12. What independent tasks can be assigned to a teenager to prepare him for adult life?

13. Why is it important for a teenager to have personal space for reflection and planning the future?

14. What questions can parents ask a teenager to help him more deeply realize his actions and what is happening to him?