How to Ask Questions to a Teenager?

When communicating with a teenager, it is important to consider his age, receptivity, mood, disposition for conversation and his openness for discussion.

Parents and teachers should note for themselves that teenagers are no longer small children, but maturing young people who want to be treated seriously, respectfully, tactfully, friendly and with love. The more of this is present in your speech, the more chances you have to build strong relationships and convey to their consciousness what lies on your heart.

An ordinary question: "How are things?" may remain unanswered because it sounds formal or like an attempt at control. But it is better to ask like this: "What was interesting for you today?" or "Was there anything surprising in your life today?"

If a teenager is not in the mood, then it is better not to ask him direct questions and not begin important conversations, as with his sharp answer he may close himself off for future conversations as well.

Not all conversations should be serious, as this may cause an association with searching for problems. But communication should also be filled with your cheerfulness, be light and without moralizing.

If a teenager does not want to answer, then you should not pressure him, accuse or intimidate, but you can ask: "Will you have time today to discuss some questions?" By this you show respect for his choice and take his decision into account.

There are everyday questions that may remain unanswered but help quickly make contact and create a cheerful atmosphere: "What is your favorite song right now?" "What surprises you most?" "What is the funniest thing that happened to you today?"

To get to know the teenager better, you can ask such questions: "What is your most cherished dream?" "What do you think you will be in 15 years?" "And if you received a million, what would you spend it on?" "How would you act if you found a large sum of cash money?"

And it is very important to listen carefully to the answers, as such questions reveal heart intentions.

To make the teenager think, you can ask him: "What do you think, who is a true friend and what makes him true?" "At what age is it best to create one's own family?" "Is it difficult to love one's enemy? And who is an enemy in your opinion?" "What is good and how is it manifested?"

It is important to pose questions so that they do not humiliate the teenager and do not create discomfort in him. It is unacceptable to compare him with a small child, focus attention on peculiar appearance or hint at his stupidity. Though this may be present in him, let him learn about this from the mirror or from his peers. But if you ask like this: "What do you think, what clothing or hairstyle would better emphasize your femininity or masculinity?" then you can learn many interesting things.

You cannot pronounce questions that program for failure: "Why are you so lazy?" "When will you stop being stupid?" "And when will you learn to do everything right?"

But it is better to pose the question like this: "Do you want me to help you?" or "Will you let me know if I am needed?"

Do not build your questions so that after the teenager's answer you give your correct answer and do not judge him if he is sincerely trying to tell you something. But if you disagree with his train of thought, then you can ask directing questions: "What do you think, and if you acted like this, would this be better?" "And won't you have problems with friends?"

If your teenager commits obvious sin and speaks directly about it, then here it is necessary to have wisdom from above to convey to his consciousness that the sin being committed is very dangerous because it is so written and leads the soul to death, and you do not like such behavior. But do not try to fit teenage mistakes and his desire to be independent into the concept of sin. If he shows disobedience due to poor health or mood, or wrong choice, then you should not accuse him of violating the fifth commandment. Without necessity do not beat him with Biblical quotes, but be very careful in pronouncing spiritual truths.

And if you really want the Lord to convict your teenager, then choose the necessary chapter for the next family worship and ask your maturing child to read it for everyone, without adding your own comments to what was read. The trust and understanding that was built in childhood will not go away in the youth years either.

Such a question: "Do you read the Bible? Or do you only sit on your phone?" should not sound in your house. But you can ask: "What Biblical verse do you like most or fits the current situation?" "What do you think, did I make mistakes at your age?"

Pressure on conscience can cause the opposite reaction and lead to undesirable consequences: "You didn't pray again today? Aren't you afraid for your safety?" "Why don't you want to go to church? Do you want to become a pagan?" "Are you perhaps sinning?"

And with tactful questions you can awaken interest in deeper Bible study: "What do you think, how old was David when he defeated Goliath? I think he was your age?" "It seems to me that when Joseph was sold into slavery, he was your peer? How would you feel in his place?"

You will not receive proper answers to all your questions, but if they are correct, respectful and wise, then, possibly remaining unanswered, they will make the teenager think about important things.

When he makes a mistake and understands that something is wrong, then instead of condemnation you can suggest he draw a conclusion and find out how he intends to act in the future or what steps should be taken to avoid mistakes next time?

Study what interests your teenager most, what he fills his inner world with and use this knowledge to speak in a language understandable to him. If he is inclined to watch suspicious films, then discuss with him the behavior of main characters and with your questions let him understand what spirit guides them, so that he himself comes to this conclusion.

If he collects something, then participate in this hobby, gather more information and find something special and suitable for his collection.

Sometimes remember your youth years and what you liked and what you did not, what fascinated you and what was temporary.

There are questions that arouse lively interest, form self-respect, bring joy and do not expect a correct answer: "What superpower would you like to possess?" "And what would you do if you became president of the country?" "And what would you do if you learned to fly?" "What wild animal would you like to befriend?"

For deep reflection you can also ask this: "Do you think friendship between a guy and a girl is possible?" "What is more important: to create a family or to preserve it?" "What should a friend not be like?" "What is most valuable in friendship?"

And remember that the character of an independent and responsible person is being formed in your house, and all your questions and instructions should be respectful and appropriate. And let everything you do be with love.

1. Please read Matt. 7:12; Eph. 6:4; Col. 4:6; Gal. 5:22-23; Prov. 12:25; 16:24; 18:13; 22:6; Phil. 2:3; Ps. 78:4; 2Tim. 2:24; Rom. 12:10, in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What was revealed to you in this chapter?

4. Why is it sometimes better to ask a teenager questions than to give moralizing?

5. What questions, in your opinion, inspire more trust in teenagers, and why?

6. Why is a tactful approach important when asking questions to a teenager?

7. How can you distinguish a teenager's disobedience from his desire to be independent?

8. What questions are better to avoid so as not to cause feelings of anger, guilt or discomfort in the teenager?

9. What questions about his dreams or plans can reveal the teenager's inner world?

10. What examples of biblical principles can be used to build trusting communication?

11. What helps avoid condemnation in conversation with a teenager, even if you disagree with him?

12. What questions can help a teenager better understand his own thoughts and desires?

13. Why is it important to address the teenager as an equal, as a maturing person?

14. Why is it sometimes useful to remember and tell your own experience from the teenage period?