Peer Influence

During the period of growing up, a teenager seeks his social environment among similar teenagers for personal relationships. This has always been so and will be so after us. This can be a company with one friend or a large number of people.

Contact with peers teaches the teenager to develop communication skills, interaction, conflict resolution, understanding of others' feelings and emotions, expands horizons. In such relationships, a team sense of responsibility develops, where each person considers himself part of a common cause and understands that his contribution to this cause is in demand and irreplaceable. The friendly atmosphere of such communities beneficially influences the formation of noble character traits, forms self-confidence, gives significance and creates a certain authority in friends' eyes. Being accepted among one's own is, for a teenager in this period, much more important than everything else. And, as a rule, teenagers adopt the spirit of their environment and under this influence form corresponding habits. If this is a sports section and the team has a certain program and goal, then most likely all of them will be equally taught to support each other and think about common success.

If this is some volunteer movement, then the teenager learns together with others to serve people and receive true pleasure from this.

Peer influence can have both a positive effect and exert negative influence on the formation of harmful and unhealthy habits.

Parents sense very well the state of their child's soul and it is not difficult for them to determine what environment their teenager has fallen into. He simply cannot hide in himself the influence under which he has fallen and will transmit it further.

If your young person becomes aggressive or withdrawn, often gets irritated or rude, stops being interested in what he used to love, then the root of such a state should be sought in the circle of his new communication. Parents can no longer take their son by the hand and ask him to introduce them to his friends. But with their friendly and unobtrusive questions they will be able to learn important details of who and how their son spends time with. It is important that the teenager does not feel pressure or interrogation, otherwise he may not tell anything.

The circle of communication and circle of friends of a teenager can change for various reasons and, as a rule, this is immediately reflected in his behavior at home.

If he avoids communication, evades answers, is caught lying or begins to study poorly or completely neglect studies, develop new harmful habits, dress strangely, then parents immediately see that their teenager has fallen under bad influence. Panic, accusations, prohibitions and aggression, in such cases, are not the best model of behavior.

Try to understand what is happening with your child. Find out what attracts him to this company? Why did he choose precisely these friends? How reliable are they in a difficult situation and what are their goals in life?

The teenager's choice of environment and what influence he falls under is not a random circumstance that unexpectedly fell into his life and now just needs to be accepted. As a rule, his friends are familiar to him from childhood, from school, and parents already know much about those with whom their children communicate and what interests and inclinations they have. And influence toward evil does not come spontaneously to unexpectedly enter life. A righteous person from childhood is taught to distinguish good from evil and he is accustomed to resist evil influence, and it is not so easy for the enemy of souls to catch this soul in his nets. A child who from childhood is taught to choose right things and is under the attentive care of parents, already from early childhood admits into his life such friends with whom he can calmly share and exchange his thoughts and feelings. And peer influence during the adolescent period will not catch a righteous soul off guard.

Any parental mistake, their ignorance in educating trusting relationships and good qualities of soul in childhood, will be reflected during the adolescent period. That seed which the enemy of souls sowed in the child's heart will begin to sprout and bear its fruit. Not only bad company can corrupt your teenager's good nature, but he himself can form bad communities and exert bad influence if his spirit is not under God's guidance.

Not so many books are written about righteous children; mainly parents are taught to solve problems and seek ways out of difficult situations. But is it worth bringing matters to such extremes in order to finally understand that the Bible is right and I was ignorant?

But there is good news that our Heavenly Father helps seeking and concerned parents find the best way out of any situation when they begin to sincerely cry out to Heaven. If I did not tell my child about God, then starting from the adolescent period I begin to tell God about the child, and the Lord listens to me and answers. He respects each person's choice and begins to teach him precisely when the heart is ready to listen and change.

Good is drawn to good, and the carnal is attracted to evil. I know many families who, for the sake of their children's future, left their native places and moved to where their children could attend Christian school and study in a Christian environment. This decision and corresponding new environment for the teenager has a positive result on his further choice of life path. But parents are not relieved of responsibility for the influence they exert in their home.

Remember that your friendliness, unconditional love, acceptance without any "ifs" are needed by your teenager at any time and whatever company he may fall into. Your love is that strong anchor that can hold the ship of feelings and passions and not let them finally break free from the chain and forever disappear into the abyss of lawlessness.

The parable of the prodigal son from Luke 15:11-32 teaches many important principles that parents need to understand: respect for freedom, waiting for return and joyful acceptance without any "ifs."

Your teenager will definitely have friends; he will go through enchantment and disappointment in these relationships, through infatuation and betrayal, through delight and despondency. This is how this world is arranged and the Lord wishes to be in all this with each of us. Parents should remember themselves, their salvation, their personal life and their interests. The Lord will gladly take upon Himself all your worries about your teenagers and give you peace when you cast all this upon Him, for He cares for us (1Pet 5:7).

Your son's friends and your daughter's girlfriends are their friends, with whom not you but they must live and communicate. Accept this as an inevitable fact. After all, you too have childhood friends who have no relation to your parents?

God will always give wisdom to seeking and thirsting parents about what alternative they can create or offer when this is in their power. But in all this your unconditional love must be present; without it even the kindest deed will be bad, and with it the biggest mistake will turn to good.

God acts in this love, and He never loses and always finds the best way out of any situation. His influence is stronger than everything earthly and He knows everything.

1. Please read Rom. 12:2; Eccl. 9:8-10; Prov. 13:29; 14:7; 17:17; 18:24; 22:24-25; 27:17; 1Cor. 15:33; Gen. 2:18; James 4:4; 2Cor. 6:14; John 15:13; Isa. 41:6; Matt. 18:20, in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What was revealed to you in this chapter?

4. Why do teenagers strive so strongly for approval from their peers?

5. How can spiritual values help a teenager resist negative peer influence?

6. How can one recognize early signs of negative peer influence?

7. Why is it important for teenagers to feel that their contribution to the group is significant?

8. What biblical stories can be used to inspire teenagers in choosing friends?

9. Why do some teenagers choose negative companies despite proper upbringing?

10. What qualities should a teenager have to become a leader rather than a follower in a group?

11. Why is it sometimes difficult for teenagers to admit that their environment has a bad influence?

12. What strategies can be applied to inspire teenagers toward positive communication?

13. Why is it easier for some teenagers to succumb to negative influence than to fight it?

14. How can we help a teenager maintain self-respect if peers reject him?