Age-Specific Features of Praise

Proper praise for a teenager is as necessary for him as proper nutrition, proper clothing, and proper attitude. In the process of hormonal restructuring of the child's organism, much changes in the teenager's worldview, and he has many questions about this world and about himself. And at each stage of growing up there are certain features of perception and understanding of various factors of relationships.

In the transitional age, the teenager's soul is vulnerable, and it seeks recognition, self-identification, meaning and direction of life. At this time the teenager, though maturing, is usually still dependent on his parents and under their influence, and lives together with them and other family members. All the mentioned age periods can shift in one direction or another depending on the work of the hormonal system and the formation of the psyche.

The adolescent period begins at 10 years old, and at 12-13 it approaches a deep internal turning point, at which the teenager comes to realize that he is no longer a child, but not yet an adult. At this time personal formation of self-esteem and identity occurs. And if parents do not give their son the answers and support he needs, then he will begin to seek answers to all his "whys" elsewhere.

Words of approval, praise, and support lay the foundation for the development of good qualities and establish the right life direction. Parents' words of approval become a flashlight for him in the darkness of self-determination.

In this period it's important to praise for inner qualities of the soul: for honesty, for obedience, for kindness, making it clear that real men possess these qualities. It's worth encouraging any manifestation of Christian virtues that the son was taught and now makes decisions himself to act according to the light received. For example: "You showed so much patience, and this is a trait of God's character!"; "You're becoming more mature and making decisions yourself. I like this!"

It's also important to praise not for the result of completed tasks, but for the motive and efforts applied, even if the result was poor.

At the age of 14-15, the teenager becomes more independent, critical of any attitude from adults, inclined to struggle for his self-assertion. This age is considered the most difficult because there is a final parting with childhood, but not yet complete entry into adult life. At this stage of growth, strong character traits are formed, certain life values, personal worldview, and personal relationships with God.

It's important for parents to understand all these features and treat the maturing teenager with respect, who consciously distances himself from his parents, though he still lives under their care, but at the same time not to release the son into the power of absolute independence, establishing reasonable rules and boundaries for his freedom. He is inclined to do everything and decide everything himself and doesn't need unnecessary advice and valuable instructions. Any criticism addressed to him is met with hostility and very painfully.

The teenager at this age is very interested in everything connected with the search for the meaning of life, with determining true values, with choosing his future. His rich imagination opens great perspectives for development and learning, and friends and the culture of the environment have a very great influence on the choice of further life path.

Wise and sincere praise from parents at this age increases the teenager's self-esteem and is especially needed by him, as it can help him establish himself in the right direction. It's important in praise to emphasize strong masculine sides of character, speak as equals, show trust, note his maturity and responsibility. These should not be flattering words about what doesn't exist, but compliments to the point.

Even if the son pretends that your words are not interesting to him, be assured that he greatly needs them and they reach his heart. Under the feigned importance and independence beats a searching heart that wants to find answers to the questions: "Who am I?"; "Whose am I?"; "What am I here for?"

Words of approval can sound like this: "You know how to keep your word and fulfill promises—that's manly!"; "You handled the situation yourself—this says that you can be relied upon!"; "I'm glad that you make decisions yourself, like an adult!"

It's important not to humiliate the teenager at this age and not to speak with him as with a little child. He no longer considers himself as such. Don't reproach him for not earning anything himself yet and living in your house without paying for anything.

When your teenager brings you a box with all his favorite toys and asks to put them away somewhere, accept this action as the end of childhood and save this box for your grandchildren.

At 17 years old, an adult teenager lives in your house who has finally parted with childhood and fully entered adult life, and he needs such praise that will affirm him in maturity, inspire the implementation of new ideas, leadership, independent realization of promising plans. At this age it's very important for the teenager that people believe in him, see a man in him, bless him for future victories.

Praise should be concrete, for his actions, for motives and good character traits. It should not cause pride and superiority over others, but point out that every good talent is given by Heaven and approved by it. It should sound timely and appropriate, with love and faith in a better future.

Your praise at this age can and should have prophetic moments in it, revealing those possibilities that suit your son's character makeup.

Patriarch Jacob, when he gathered all his sons, spoke about them those prophecies that helped them see themselves and their descendants through God's eyes and in the future.

The absence of praise is also a message that tells a young man much about many things. He may subconsciously understand that he's not good enough, that he's not valued, not loved, and what's the point of trying? Your praise is words of blessing that can sound to the invisible spiritual world as permission for action and service to your children. And your words of praise, spoken once appropriately, can then sound throughout your children's lives in their memory and inspire them to what they were called and blessed by you.

There are many good words and expressions that can inspire every person. Discover them for yourself, practice on your spouse. Learn to express them from the heart and give them to your children as a sign of your admiration and gratitude.

We read in Philippians 4:8: "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

It's worth understanding in praise the deep needs of the teenager: recognition; respect; awareness of his value and necessity; understanding of uniqueness, both external and internal; that he is loved not for something, but just because.

Praise the teenager in prayer to God and thank the Lord for your wonderful heritage. It's important for children to hear this in your conversation with the Creator.

And the Lord materializes all your words into your children's lives.

1. Please read Genesis 22:12; Proverbs 22:1; 1 Samuel 13:14; Mark 14:6; Daniel 5:4; Ruth 2:11-12; Romans 16:1-2; Luke 19:9; Matthew 25:21; Colossians 1:7, in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your memory?

3. What was revealed to you in this chapter?

4. Why is praise for a teenager as important as proper nutrition and clothing?

5. Why is it especially important in adolescence to praise for inner qualities and not just for achievements?

6. Why are ages 14-15 considered the most difficult period in adolescence?

7. How to properly praise a teenager so as not to cause resistance in him?

8. How do friends and environment influence the perception of praise from parents?

9. How to avoid praise causing pride and superiority?

10. Why can't you praise a teenager the same way as a small child?

11. How does the absence of praise affect a teenager's motivation?

12. What biblical principles can be used in praise? (Philippians 4:8)

13. How can you praise a teenager in prayer so that he hears it?

14. How can words of praise spoken in adolescence influence a person's entire future life?