Youthful Maximalism

Youthful maximalism is one type of extremity in worldview, manifesting in categorical judgment, in black-and-white thinking, in irreconcilability with compromises, both in bad and good directions. This is a kind of "dark night of the soul" through which, one way or another, every teenager passes. He already feels adult, but doesn't have enough life experience, his feelings are turbulent, and sound thinking hasn't yet formed, he thinks he knows answers to all questions, but hasn't yet seen real difficulties of life, sees everything as terrible or everything as beautiful.

This state of soul is normal in the development of a teenager's personality, and parents need to be ready for such a turn of events and for sharp changes in their child's life, as their authority is put into great question, and if they try to correct this situation by force or pressure, they may encounter unpredictable problems. The teenager may close himself off for many years, leave home, change faith and join some incomprehensible religious movement, quit studies, create a hasty family, or commit suicide.

Many factors are involved in this teenage crisis, starting from hormonal and physiological changes and including the formation of a new personality with a pronounced desire for self-identification and significance. Not having enough life experience in adult life, the teenager sees the open world differently than his parents. He may come to the opinion that everyone around lies, that parents understand nothing in life, that there are only hypocrites in church, and among friends there are complete traitors. And if you notice something similar in his vocabulary, then don't try to convince him otherwise, but try to understand and help pass through this interesting stage of life without any radical actions on his part.

At the age of 14-16 years, a sense of justice develops in the teenager, and it begins to seem to him that he knows everything, can distinguish truth from lies, sees sin and hypocrisy, and also has his understanding of how things should be and happen. Listen carefully to your young pioneer and learn to build not walls, but bridges. You won't lose anything from being attentive to his radical measures and evaluations, and relationships will be preserved. Don't enter into disputes and disagreements, but with your wise questions lead his consciousness to the fact that besides the extremes he has established, there are other worlds and other understanding of reality.

If attacks begin on you that you don't live right, don't believe right, and that you're not real, which may have a grain of truth, then accept this with love and dignity, explaining that adults can also make mistakes and be imperfect. Ask him to give you advice in this case "what to do?" and don't argue with the answer you hear.

In the personality of Samson we observe the manifestation of youthful maximalism and what incomprehensible actions he performed. And we ourselves passed through these gates, only over time we forgot our experiences, and that time was different, so it's difficult to compare.

Youthful maximalism can be expressed not only in a negative view of things, but also in striving for good and truth. And in this case, one shouldn't suppress turbulent emotions with an authoritarian attitude. Converse, don't preach, communicate, don't dictate, listen, don't argue. Love your teenager even when his behavior doesn't please you. Remember that all his turbulent waves create a storm in the glass of his feelings and emotions. This will pass. He won't always be like this. Time is a good teacher, and life is a wise mentor.

Respect the young person's boundaries, but always have a door in these boundaries through which you can always enter to show your love in deed.

If you are restrained in emotions, calm in conversation, respectful, acknowledge your imperfection and right to error, ready to listen and don't hurry with advice, then by this you win trust and help the teenager learn from your example.

God didn't endow the teenager with the wisdom of an elder, but prepared for him a beautiful path of ups and downs, successes and mistakes, victories and defeats, to teach him life exactly this way and endow him with wisdom from his own experience.

If it seems to you that your teenager is in rebellion and losing his right to Eternity, then don't hurry ahead of time with such conclusions. God put such turning moments into every person's life to cleanse the heart from excess burden, to free oneself from unnecessary childhood baggage in due time and enter adult life as a tireless researcher and enthusiast. Although Solomon calls this vanity, it's exactly through this that the path of every young person passes. It's important for parents to set the right direction for the young growing experimenter, without breaking the fresh sprout in the process. Youthful maximalism is not a disease, but a life stage, and it can be dangerous for a teenager without wise mentorship from the older generation, but can become a special blessing under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. This is a thirst for the correct absolute, which in our fallen world, alas, doesn't exist. This is a thirst for justice where it should be. This is revulsion toward hypocrisy. This is a need for love and recognition. This is pain from realizing the inability to change the surrounding world.

Aloud this may sound something like: "I'm better than others!"; "I won't be like them!"; "I'll be real!"; "Better not to have friends, then there won't be pain from betrayal!"; "Leave me alone!"; "Life has no meaning—all around is just deception!"

Love knows how to react to each such statement.

The path to perfection, ideal, and holiness passes through all kinds of trials, crises, and falls. The apostle Paul also once described similar experiences in Romans 7:19,24: "For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice... O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?"

But it's exactly this path that helps see depth, look not at faces but at hearts, understand others' imperfections, distinguish hypocrisy from sincerity.

Don't fear your teenager's disappointments in our imperfect world, but wisely point to the One who is true Perfection, with whom there is no shadow of turning; who is the Way, Truth, and Life.

Continue to pray for your perfectionists and love them at all times. Let children know that even if you're not perfect, you're real and loving not for something, but at all times.

This storm will pass and peace will come. Life will teach the teenager not to fly in the clouds of his fantasies and not to see everything as gloomy, but to accept each person as he is and create a beautiful present around himself, having personal relationships with Jesus.

Maturity can be recognized when the teenager stops judging others but has interest in truth. When he speaks gently and reasonably. When he stops being rude and begins to listen. When he's interested in everything but plans what suits him. When he chooses life with God and purposefully goes this course, having the ultimate goal—Eternal Life and closer relationships with Jesus.

And then parents need only to step aside so that their pupil can independently go toward the chosen Goal.

1. Please read Rom. 15:1; Isa. 42:1-4; 55:8-9; Prov. 15:1; 16:25; 25:15; Eph. 6:4; 1 Pet. 4:8; Phil. 1:6; 2 Cor. 12:9; 1 John 2:14; Eccl. 12:1, in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What was useful for you to learn in this lesson?

4. Why did the Lord put such stages of personality formation into human development?

5. What mistakes of youth became real lessons for you and why?

6. What would you yourself have wanted to hear from your father at age 15?

7. What words of encouragement could you say to support a teenager's dreams?

8. In what do you see the special value of youthful maximalism?

9. What helps parents be a team in raising a teenager, rather than gendarmes or rivals?

10. What can be done to become a "bridge" rather than a "wall" for a young heart?

11. What words could become the motto of your communication with teenagers?

12. What can teenagers teach adults if adults are attentive to them?

13. Is youthful maximalism bad or good?

14. What tradition could be introduced in the family to strengthen joy and closeness?