A Teenager's Infatuation

Parents, creating their family, pass through different stages of their relationships and greatly need wise instruction from wise people to be confident that their choice corresponds not only to their desires, but also to God's will, common sense, and many other criteria that will influence further relationships and mutual happiness.

But when these parents raise a teenager and he reaches a certain age when it's already possible or even necessary for him to fall in love with someone, then they may decide that the growing child will somehow figure out his feelings on his own and infatuation is his personal business.

Blessed is that teenager who will have wise mentors or turn to pure sources of information to understand what's happening to him and how to behave correctly during this time. And if a book about premarital relationships falls into his hands, this will be a great blessing for him. But the role and support of believing and wise parents during this time is invaluable, because who, if not they, best understands what's happening and can give useful instructions and help the teenager cope with an avalanche of feelings so as not to be swallowed by this storm.

Infatuation is not love, but another stage of growing up planned by God. A teenager's hormonal system is arranged so that it instantly reacts to external factors of influence and is directly connected with the organs of feeling and touch. The appearance of an interesting object of observation, his voice, warmth and smell of his body transmit corresponding impulses to the center of pleasure and activate a whole factory of various hormones that create certain moods and experiences.

Personal sympathy and aesthetic pleasure can also influence the development of infatuation and bring with them a mass of new experiences into the teenager's life.

A growing young man is a person who tries to understand who he is, why he's here, where to go next, and how to live. He seeks his own paths of self-determination and wants to figure out many experiences incomprehensible to him by his own strength. And his parents are the first people who can help him find correct answers to all his questions and direct him onto the eternal path. The Lord also wants to be a Mentor to the young person and help him pass the path of growing up as a victor over his feelings and desires.

Infatuation is attraction to a person of the opposite sex, connected with emotional experiences, romantic thoughts, and strong feelings. As a rule, this feeling has no solid foundation based on knowledge of the interesting object of one's infatuation, on understanding the nature of one's feelings and ability to manage what's happening. People commonly call this state: "lost his head," where everyone understands that the person fell in love and any unpredictable actions can be expected from him. But the problem of this soul state consists in it being based on feelings, emotions, emotional deficit, hormonal reactions of the organism, desire to be loved and to love. And it's important to learn to control these feelings, otherwise they'll begin to control the will. This time eventually comes and is a step planned by God in forming an adult personality.

Infatuation can arise in early childhood, and during the transition to youth, and even grow into close friendship if it receives reciprocity in response. Parents shouldn't fear this, but it's important to be ready for these events and participate in explaining what's happening. We're not forbidden to be friends with those we like and love those given to us by God, but all these relationships and accompanying experiences should be under control of reason and will and not be temptation for developing base feelings that destroy body and soul.

It's worth explaining to the teenager that infatuation is not yet love, but a feeling that seeks its own, includes a new world of new experiences and sensations, wants to receive pleasure and quick response to its claims. It can pass as quickly as it arose and leave behind emptiness and disappointment.

And if it arises during youthful maximalism, it can radically declare that adults understand nothing about the teenager's feelings or that it's better to be alone all one's life than to cast oneself into such disappointments and trials.

It's worth considering that many life situations and emotional experiences are perceived by the teenager many times more strongly than happens in an adult person. His nerves at this age can be like untuned taut strings, ready to emit strange sounds at any touch.

In communicating with an infatuated teenager, parents should let him understand that they understand what's happening to him and can share their personal experience of experiences they had at this age. But it's better to begin these conversations before their child begins to "lose his head," preparing the young creature for upcoming trials. Infatuation will definitely come, and if it's one-sided or rejected, it can bring many disappointments and plunge the young creature into depression or mild mental disorder. It's important not to let the teenager fall into emotional attachment to the object of his infatuation or go into sinful fantasies or occupy his heart with someone who obviously won't bring blessing.

Love, however, knows how to wait, not seek its own, but serve, give, think about another's happiness, forget about personal comfort for the sake of others' good. Love doesn't impose itself and doesn't suffer when rejected. It seeks all possible ways to reach the neighbor's heart and simply gladden him with its sincere participation in the person's life. It considers the status of the one it loves and doesn't break in where it's not allowed. It skillfully fills all space within boundaries allowed to it and begins to permeate any relationships with itself, making them close and interesting. It comes from God to return to Him in deeds of love and again reveal its Creator in greater power and influence.

How to determine that your teenager has fallen in love? I think this is the most difficult thing that can be secretly hidden from parents for a long time. They'll immediately determine by his behavior that something unusual is happening, and here it's necessary to help the teenager correctly pass through this life stage.

Don't be surprised if he talks with you about a possible wedding and how serious this is. Help him understand his feelings and look more soberly at such experiences.

God tests the young soul in these circumstances to give lessons of faithfulness and move young people to closer relationships with Himself. He wants to give young men victory over sinful fantasies and carnal infatuations, preserve the soul from the sin of sensuality, and show the beauty of chastity and holiness.

Infatuation is not sin, but an opportunity to learn to trust this experience to God and with His help learn to manage one's thoughts and feelings, one's tastes and preferences, and give Him authority to form in the heart a solid foundation for real and lasting love.

Youth is not the most suitable time to build relationships, but the best age to build character.

1. Please read 2 Tim. 2:22; Eccl. 11:9; Ps. 119:9; 1 Cor. 10:13; Jer. 29:11-12; Prov. 2:10-12; 4:23; 20:11; James 1:14-15; Rom. 13:14; Phil. 1:9-10; Col. 3:2, in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. Who did you see yourself as in this lesson?

4. How do you remember your first infatuation? What feelings did you experience then?

5. Is infatuation bad? If not, what danger does it represent?

6. Did you have a time when you "lost your head" from feelings? How did it end?

7. What qualities of the opposite sex did you seek in youth?

8. At what age should you begin talking with a teenager on the topic of infatuation?

9. How to explain to your teenager the difference between infatuation and love?

10. With what words could you console a teenager in case of unrequited sympathy?

11. What can you do so the teenager doesn't hide from you with his feelings?

12. What example of "healthy infatuation" could you tell your teenager?

13. How can you prepare a teenager for possible disappointment in feelings?

14. Do you consider it necessary to pray together with the teenager about his future chosen one?