A Daughter in Love

Girls and boys differ radically from each other both in appearance and in their inner structure. One shouldn't generalize these people and attribute the properties of one sex to another. It's characteristic for girls to think about boys based on their understanding of reality, and accordingly boys judge girls by themselves. And since they see in other representatives of humanity an absolute opposite, they don't always understand each other and prefer a team of their own kind. But the time comes when interesting changes occur in the body, and the formation of new hormones brings with them new feelings and emotions.

Parents should understand that their son and daughter differ from each other and need both general instructions and individual conversations—both with father and with mother. It's important for parents to understand the daughter's feelings and experiences and not confuse them with the son's feelings. When their child is in love or is at the stage of growing up and will soon enter this romantic world, it's important to understand how and what the girl experiences, and how the young man passes through this path. God put completely different centers of perception into these beautiful creatures, and this must be known and understood.

Sexual and emotional maturation in girls begins by age earlier than in boys of the same age, and the female body begins to actively produce the hormone estrogen, which makes the girl more dreamy, sensitive, inclined to romantic relationships and experiences. The female brain reacts more emotionally to external factors and during infatuation idealizes the object of its interest.

It's characteristic for a girl to fantasize and experience deep feelings regarding the one she's in love with. Emotional attachment quickly forms in her, which is very strong even if there are no visible relationships yet. She's very vulnerable during this time to all kinds of mental traumas and open to deeper relationships. She can very easily be saddened and offended, and unrequited infatuation can lead her soul to strong suffering. If she's modest and afraid to be the first to make contact with the object of her interest, then it's characteristic for her to share these experiences with her close girlfriends, and then bear unpredictable consequences of such revelations.

And if her beloved responds to her with conscious indifference or rudeness, then the girl's life and experiences become very gloomy.

If the girl keeps a diary, then it will be characteristic for her to describe all her feelings and experiences, and then analyze what's happening. If she conducts correspondence, then it will be interesting for her to reread all letters several times to delve into the depth of the embedded meaning. The girl very much needs emotional security in relationships, in which she could open up and be herself. It's very hard for her to be rejected, especially after she opens up.

Woman is created for love, which is why husbands are given the command to love their wives (Eph. 5:25), but while the girl is not married, it's characteristic for her to seek fulfillment of these needs in people, and if she doesn't receive this in her family, then she seeks it outside the home. She wants to know her true value, to be loved, unique, the very best and needed.

It's important for parents to know and understand how their daughter's inner world is arranged and how fragile it is. Based on this knowledge, it's necessary to build trusting relationships where parents should become initiators of conversations on intimate topics. Moreover, each parent should build his personal relationships and consider the openness and perception of the daughter's heart.

A girl's heart is a whole fascinating world in which father and mother can draw and create something beautiful that will be very useful for the girl in future life. But in this world something can also be destroyed that will cause pain in subsequent years. Therefore, sensitivity and caution, respect for freedom and boundaries should always be at their height.

If the most sacred has been entrusted to you, then this cannot be ridiculed or used against your daughter. If you're shocked by your girl's personal revelations or don't know what to tell her, then don't hurry with an answer, but in prayer ask God for wisdom and understanding. You won't have answers to all questions, and not all answers will want to be heard from you.

During infatuation, a girl's heart is like a bud of a beautiful flower that seeks the sun to open up to meet it. And this sun is not you, parents, but the one who occupies all her thoughts and feelings.

It's important to understand why a teenage girl falls in love. During the period of growing up, the girl's personality seeks an answer to many questions: "Who am I? Am I valuable? Am I loved?" And it's characteristic for her to seek answers to all these questions in people and in their attitude toward her. She's in search of self-affirmation, and this can become a trap for her soul if she goes to seek all these answers in the world.

The parents' task includes getting ahead of the world, directing her thoughts to Jesus, giving their daughter what her heart so needs, and telling about how many dangers and sorrows she can meet if she decides to taste the forbidden fruit. It's very dangerous to measure one's significance not through God, but through people.

It's characteristic for a girl in love to idealize her beloved's behavior, make him a hero, attribute to him what isn't in him and can't be, and then be disappointed by reality.

Emotional attachment can strongly influence mood: didn't write a response message, didn't answer the phone, didn't say hello, didn't show joy from meeting her—all this is extremely important for her and brings many experiences. And he may simply be busy with other things and didn't want to be distracted by anything.

The girl's appearance may also begin to change strongly to attract attention to herself. She may decide that beauty is the most important thing that will please the one she's thinking about, and this way she'll be noticed and appreciated faster. But she needs to understand that by this she may begin to attract all men who have completely different goals and views.

It's important for parents to understand their daughter's experiences and consider them. Listen, delve in, ask wise questions, don't hurry to give valuable instructions. Don't laugh at her choice, but seriously delve into the essence of things and be support, trying to convey that infatuation is transient feelings that, although pleasant, quickly pass or grow into real love that never ceases and thinks about another's happiness.

Also, the thought should be conveyed to the daughter that her body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, but under the influence of infatuation, the enemy of the soul can defile this temple if she decides to give herself into the hands of the one who interests her, thinking that by becoming his without marriage obligations, she will forever belong to him and will never be abandoned.

It's important to say that although the daughter is a person, she belongs to God and has special value in His eyes. That beauty is given to her to gladden her husband, that she's a future mother and faithful friend to the one the Lord will send her when her time comes. That waiting in purity and holiness of heart will be rewarded, and she shouldn't get ahead of events and scatter herself on what now seems very important.

1. Please read Prov. 4:23; 19:14; 31:25-26; Ps. 45:13-14; 1 Thess. 4:3-4; 1 Pet. 3:4; Song of Songs 2:10; 8:4; Isa. 54:13; Titus 2:4-5; Heb. 13:4; 1 Pet. 1:14-16,22, in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What was revealed to you in this chapter?

4. Are you ready for the fact that one day your daughter will love someone more than you?

5. How to teach your daughter to distinguish love from emotional dependence?

6. Who should tell your daughter about boundaries in relationships if you remain silent?

7. How easy is it today for a girl to destroy her purity without even noticing it?

8. What will happen to a girl's self-esteem if she's made to understand that she's "not good enough"?

9. How to explain to your daughter that she's not merchandise, but a treasure in God's eyes?

10. How to teach your daughter to distinguish tender words from impure intentions?

11. Does your daughter see you as support or as a judge?

12. Are you able to embrace a deceived daughter even if there's shame and fear in her eyes?

13. How to create in your daughter an understanding that her value doesn't depend on boys' opinions?

14. Are you ready to pray for your daughter's heart every day—even if it seems that everything is under control?