A Father's Letter to His Daughter in Love

Parents don't always know how to correctly approach their teenager. They don't always have understanding of what and how to say correctly. Not all teenagers are inclined to communicate with their parents, and each case should be considered individually. But there's a classic way of communication and conveying needed information to the right person—this is writing letters. Paper will endure everything. Although it has become unfashionable now to write letters by hand, no one has canceled this method, and it has its influence and meaning. A letter can convey the spiritual mood of the author, and recorded thoughts can be much deeper than we imagine. In a letter you can speak heart to heart and express what the tongue won't turn to say.

A teenager in love is not always open to trusting conversations with his parents, and parents don't always take interest in the teenager's personal life, considering that they will definitely be told something important, and the rest is not their business. But it's exactly here that wise intervention of experienced people is needed, who understand the whole situation as a whole and can help with their wise instructions.

One father decided to put on paper all his thoughts and concerns about his 16-year-old daughter's infatuation, and his words helped the young girl see her feelings differently. We present to you the text of this letter:

"My dear girl, peace to you.

Lately suspicion has crept into my heart that you're in love with someone. Although you try to hide this, believe me, mom and I noticed this immediately without extra comments from you. We also experienced such a time and know how beautiful it can be when it's under the control of reason, and at the same time what danger this can create if feelings begin to govern your reason and will. This feeling can inspire you and make everything around rosy, but it can also blind you to let your life go downhill.

Although you're already considered grown up, I think you don't yet have enough experience to understand people and your feelings. As your father, I would like to get acquainted with the one you're in love with, or at least find out what kind of person this is.

I'll ask you several questions that you need to answer for yourself:

• Does this person attract you to God or lead you away from Him?

• Does he respect your purity, your boundaries, your soul?

• Do you become better next to him or do you lose yourself in him?

• Do his words correspond to his actions?

• Is he ready to take responsibility for caring for you?

• Does he think about your happiness?

I understand how good it is for you now and how much you want to be loved by the one you're in love with. But know that you're already loved by me and mom. The Heavenly Father loves you so much that He gave His beloved Son for you. God's love is what you can build any relationships on and carry out any plans.

I want to assure you that your infatuation can give beautiful moments, bring quick joy here and now, but this is not yet love, although it can become it. Love knows how to wait, it respects another person's freedom, it chooses to love even when this seems impossible, but it doesn't deprive of reason and doesn't lead the heart to violation of God's principles.

God gave you a pleasant harmonious appearance and beautiful body, and our upbringing made such a person out of you with whom it's pleasant to be near and build relationships. Your young age and your childish sincerity attract many people to you. You are a priceless treasure in God's eyes, which He wants to hand over to someone who has close relationships with Him and prays for you, even possibly not knowing you yet.

But remember that you're surrounded by a world that evaluates you as a showcase, and your body as merchandise. But you're not merchandise, but a daughter of the Heavenly King, and Heaven values in you that purity and holiness that guards you.

Remember that men are not women, they see differently, think differently, and have their strong sides, which are special blessing for creating lasting relationships.

But if you see that your beloved doesn't have personal relationships with Jesus and doesn't belong to Him, even if he belongs to the same church, then I advise you to stay away from someone with whom you can build serious relationships. He can be a brother, comrade to you, but no more.

You're not obligated to give your heart to anyone out of sense of duty, fear of staying alone, out of pity or for kindness and attention shown to you. You're free in your choice, and you only need to wait until the Lord shows you the one He prepared for you. And until you clearly understand that this is the one who's ready to take responsibility for your life, for your future, for the family and children that the Lord will give you.

I've seen many tears from those girls who didn't want to wait, who wanted to taste the forbidden fruit, who entered relationships too early. Words cannot describe those diseases, that grief and pangs of conscience they experienced. It's terrible when you live with a stranger and always keep silent so as not to destroy the marriage. It's terrible when the heart screams from pain, and you live out of habit or from fear of staying alone. It's terrible when you have to pay with years of experiences for minutes of pleasure.

And I very much don't want you to join this army of unhappy and deceived souls. Jesus knows how to heal any wounds and diseases, but is it worth bringing yourself to them?

Remember, little daughter, that you're not alone, that I'm always nearby and ready to help you in every matter, ready to support you in any trial and protect you, know that I love you at all times. I'm given to you forever, to always love you and be your father, even when you have your own family.

You know how I love your mom and how I respect her choice in everything. We had many mistakes and problems, but we always learned to find a way out and solutions.

We didn't immediately find each other and didn't immediately decide to create a family. Our infatuation became a time of fasting and prayer for both of us, a time of studying each other and the basics of premarital relationships.

And at some point in our struggles, we clearly understood that the Lord prepared us for each other and blesses us for our union.

We don't claim to be ideal, but we love each other and love you as our dear daughter, who is now becoming adult and independent.

Soon the time will come when you'll receive complete freedom from us and can arrange your life as you want, where you want, and with whom you want.

And now I ask you to see behind all the beautiful words addressed to you from young people their true desires and motives. You're not a toy and not temporary entertainment, you're a valuable pearl, for the possession of which one can give everything. Your age is beautiful, but you still need to finish your studies and learn something before creating your family. Everything has its time. And God knows when and to whom to give you, and I would like you to evaluate yourself by God's standards and values.

I believe that your life story will be correct and interesting, filled with wise decisions and reasonable choices. May the Lord bless you.

With love, always your dad."

1. Please read Rev. 19:7-8; Prov. 3:5-6; 4:23; 12:20; 31:30; Isa. 30:21; 2 Tim. 2:22; Song of Songs 2:7; Jer. 17:9; 1 Thess. 4:3-4; Eph. 6:4; Mal. 4:6; Eccl. 3:5; 2 Cor. 6:14, in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What was revealed to you in this chapter?

4. Do you think letters carry within them what sometimes lacks courage and wisdom in words?

5. What shouldn't be written in such letters?

6. Does your daughter feel your love more often than your rules and reproaches?

7. Do you know how to hug, bless, speak tenderly and respectfully—as the Heavenly Father does?

8. When should you start praying for your daughter's future husband?

9. Do you have fear of talking with your daughter about infatuation, feelings, physicality, and purity?

10. Do you believe that such letters can save a girl from wrong steps and fatal mistakes?

11. Should you share your story with your daughter: where and how you made mistakes, how God led you, what you regret?

12. Is it important to convey to the teenager's consciousness that happiness is not in relationships, but in faithfulness to God and His principles?

13. Should a father be an example before writing such letters?

14. What to do if the daughter doesn't want to read any letters?