A Son in Love

Infatuation is something sweet for the soul, causing a smile and approval in observers, it's a new world of emotions and experiences. And when a young man falls in love, his parents, as a rule, calm down, considering that now their son won't be drawn into bad companies and he'll think about more serious things. One can agree with this when the son is 30 years old, but when he's only 15-17, then it's worth asking for special wisdom from God and seeking opportunity for special conversations on this topic.

But before undertaking something in this direction, it's important for parents to understand what's happening with their son, what he's experiencing, why this happens differently than with girls, how to help him, and where he should make decisions himself.

I often heard stories about how some people fell in love with each other almost from kindergarten or from the school bench, and then created strong families with this chosen one. But there are only a few such cases, so we shouldn't take their experience as an example, although it would be interesting to listen.

A young man, living as a dependent in his parents' house, doesn't yet have experience in building relationships, but he already feels adult and strives for independence. But he receives true independence only when he begins to live separately and pay for everything himself, and can earn enough money to feed himself and set aside something for further plans. When he falls in love during this time, this infatuation will differ from that which comes in school years, when parents think about his sustenance.

Boys mature later than their female peers, and their emotional maturity significantly lags behind physical development, so they often can't understand their female classmates in their new claims, and girls are simply not interested in having relationships with those they've outgrown and who don't understand them, and they're more drawn to older boys who have already managed to mature emotionally and with whom they can find common language.

But with time of growth, new hormones begin to form in the boy's organism, which actively change his thinking and worldview. He begins to look at the world differently, striving for activity and conquest dominates in him, he begins to seek his place under the sun and assert himself. Conquering girls' attention during this period is very important for him, as it helps him self-determine and learn his value as a man.

The level of various hormones can strongly influence the boy's mood and prompt him to different actions that he didn't plan to undertake. Infatuation can arise under this influence episodically and pass just as quickly. The young man is more attracted to the girl's appearance and her behavior, and is little interested in her inner world. Awareness of the girl's emotional needs comes to the young man much later.

Boys can't and don't know how to express their feelings and describe what's happening in their consciousness with words. It can be difficult for them to understand this whirlpool of experiences, they suffer greatly from pains in growing parts of the body, and they very much need during this and subsequent time a wise mentor who understands what's happening to them and can explain all internal processes. And their first mentors in this sphere should be parents, who should first have an idea of how and by what laws their son's development occurs. And their son may look cold and be like a hedgehog, but not because he's like that, but because he's embarrassed by his experiences and doesn't understand all internal processes. But when he hears an exact description of all his hidden feelings, his heart calms down, and he understands that everything is going according to plan and it's not worth worrying so much.

It's characteristic for a boy to perceive love for a girl as achieving a goal. He, by his nature, is a hunter, conqueror, and provider, and for him conquering a heart means much more than relationships. This is how he asserts himself in his strength and abilities and is ready to fall in love with several interesting objects at once, and behaves sincerely with each new girl, not understanding that he's playing with feelings, not promising anything serious in return.

For him at the moment of another conquest, the opinion and evaluation of his friends may be much more valuable than the expectations of the charmed girl, who thinks she has met her prince. And how sad when under the influence of this spirit a young man creates a family to prove something to someone.

But besides self-assertion, the young person can actually fall in love and cling with thoughts to the one who particularly pleases him. And not knowing how to behave in such a case, he can express his feelings very foolishly and inadequately, for example through teasing, pulling pigtails, and strange behavior. Also this feeling can be expressed in desire to surprise, help, serve, make an impression.

Any mockery about infatuation is perceived very painfully by the boy. He doesn't yet understand how beautiful this state is within correct boundaries, and the opinion of equally ignorant peers creates a certain stereotype in his mind, and instead of discussing what's happening with someone, he hides in his shell and doesn't know what to do with this. And any rejection of his sincere feelings he can perceive as a nail in the lid of his coffin and worry very much, considering himself needed by no one.

The enemy of the soul knows the structure of the teenager's thinking and their vulnerability at this age, and at a convenient moment sends suitable temptation, up to suicidal thoughts, just to destroy the young soul or ruin the future. The young man can, under the influence of evil forces, begin to confuse love with lust and develop intimate images and scenes in his thoughts, which will lead to desire to try this in practice or begin practicing sensuality.

Believing parents pray much for their children, and this has its influence on the growing mind. But if they studied their child's needs, prayed for him, and conducted trusting and explanatory conversations, then their influence toward good would be much greater and more effective.

For a young man, recognition of his masculine strength and respect of peers mean much more than the need to be valuable and loved. And having significance in the girl's eyes is the most cherished desire, in which he feels like a hero-winner. In someone such a spirit can be expressed like this: "I love myself, and for this I need you." And so far we're talking about innocent experiences without sexual experience. There's a storm in his heart, and a mass of stereotypes and worldly values in his consciousness, with which it's difficult for him to cope without wise instruction.

God put such difference into young men so that through these interesting feelings He could prepare their hearts for more serious and responsible relationships. So that at this age they would experience the riot of eyes and flood of feelings without causing great harm to themselves and others.

God's word, which teaches the young man to keep his path pure, helps him orient himself in such experiences and allows God to give answers to all his "whys." And God wisely uses parents and mentors, useful books and pure sources of information to teach seeking children.

1. Please read Titus 2:6-7; Prov. 14:12; 19:2; 20:29; 28:26; Eccl. 11:9; 12:1; 2 Tim. 2:22; Jer. 17:9; Hos. 4:11; 1 Cor. 13:11, in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What was revealed to you in this chapter?

4. Why did God create in man the ability to fall in love?

5. How does infatuation differ from real love?

6. Why can infatuation blind a person?

7. What dangers can infatuation hold for a young man?

8. How to understand that a young man has matured for serious feelings?

9. Why shouldn't one play with the feelings of people of the opposite sex?

10. How does God want and can use infatuation for a teenager's spiritual growth?

11. What would you advise a son who fell in love and doesn't know what to do?

12. How not to get carried away by feelings to the point of losing reason?

13. Is it worth understanding the difference between female and male thinking before beginning to instruct one's children?

14. How can one invite God into the sphere of one's feelings and relationships?