The Danger of Infatuation for a Teenager

However many smiles and merriment their teenager's infatuation may cause parents, it's still necessary to take this event in young people's lives very seriously, as it can represent great danger, which in the absence of wise instruction can become destructive for body and soul. There are general dangers that are the same both in daughters' lives and in sons' lives: the teenager becomes a hostage of his feelings and allows them to lead him where his life can be destroyed. Such dangers can become pangs of conscience for incomprehensible feelings and fear of God's punishment for the heart turning attention to a person of the opposite sex. But when the teenager learns that this is a normal growth process and these thoughts can and should be controlled, it's easier for him to pass through this time and direct thinking in the right direction.

Infatuation can take possession of consciousness to such a degree that interest in spiritual life, in studies, in fulfilling domestic duties, in one's hobby will be lost, and all time will be occupied by thoughts about the object of one's interest, phone conversations with him, or correspondence with this person. The danger of losing life orientations and goals increases, and any attempt by parents to interfere in this situation will be met with hostility and cause anger, offense, irritation, and other negativity. In this and similar cases, open dialogue in the spirit of love and understanding from close mentors helps, explanation of what these feelings are, how to recognize them, distinguish them, and how to manage them.

Also infatuation can put the chosen person in God's place and make him an idol of one's attention, attributing divine character and soul qualities to the object of one's interest. The teenager becomes blind in his worldview and doesn't want to see anything except imagined ideals. And such perception can't continue forever, but eyes can open too late, when much has been done and much can no longer be returned or corrected.

Since the teenager doesn't have knowledge and experience of close relationships with the opposite sex, friendship with depraved people can form a perverted taste for sensual pleasures, which will attract the mind not to discovering personality and an unexplored planet in a person, but to using him as a source of pleasure and satisfaction of one's lusts, desires, and whims. Such spirit leads the soul to thirst for sensuality, which can lead the teenager to the sin of fornication, petting, or masturbation.

For clarification: Fornication is sexual relations outside marriage; Petting is intimate closeness without sexual intercourse, in which one partner satisfies the desires of another; Masturbation is independent stimulation of sexual organs for the purpose of obtaining sexual pleasure without the participation of a second person. All this is destructive for body, soul, and spirit, deprives of the right to Eternal life, damages consciousness, steals life's joy, and brings pangs of conscience, if there still is one.

Such pastime has nothing in common with love and doesn't bring happiness to people in love, but becomes temptation and a direct path to obtaining sexual experience outside marriage, which entails unpredictable consequences in the form of obsession, extramarital pregnancy, venereal diseases, pangs of conscience, low self-esteem.

But the most dangerous thing in all this is that the teenager receives certain personal experience, and a behavior model forms in his mind: he sees in the opposite sex not a soul and personality, but a body and merchandise, and puts his "I want" above God's laws. And then transfers this model to all subsequent relationships. And it can happen that for self-assertion, the number of faithful friends won't be considered, but the quantity of sexual partners.

Also infatuation can cause emotional instability in the teenager's soul and create "emotional swings," where he can be at the peak of euphoria, and after descend to deep apathy, then again soar to the height of feelings and fantasies and crash into another disappointment.

Not having clear understanding of what agape-love represents and how important it is for it to be in any relationships, the teenager can take any counterfeit for love and consider his feelings something correct, but incomprehensible due to frequent changes. Modern films, books, and TV shows very successfully lead young people into delusion regarding pure love, thereby depriving the young soul of solid foundation on God's principles. But biblical truths have creative power in themselves and can give confidence where there's no understanding of what's happening.

Infatuation can form unhealthy emotional attachment to another person, which will make his forgetting difficult: all others will be worse, and building new relationships will be impossible. Such a state deprives of freedom both the infatuated personality and the object of this infatuation. And any partner not experiencing such attachment will want to quickly free himself from such pressure and have personal freedom in building normal relationships.

And when the object of infatuation shows interest in other people of his or opposite sex and stops devoting his time to the infatuated person, this can cause in the teenager's heart jealousy, annoyance, tears, offense, fear, feeling of rejection, be regarded as betrayal and infidelity, which can push toward revenge or suicidal thoughts.

Open and undisguised infatuation of another teenager can cause feelings of pride and significance, which will form false self-esteem based on the opinion that he's better than others, rather than on the value of inner soul qualities.

Infatuation of a believing teenager with a worldly person is fraught with God's child involuntarily adopting worldly values for the sake of the one who so gladdens the heart. And even if in the depth of heart he dreams that his love will turn the unbelieving person to God, in reality everything happens, as a rule, exactly the opposite. Living worldly is always easier, and this requires no sacrifice.

An infatuated person can also become a victim of manipulations from the one who is not indifferent to him. Demands for gifts, money, entertainment, special attention, tenderness and caresses, otherwise—breaking off relationships—this is ordinary practice of manipulators, which catches many in the trap of fear of being abandoned.

One sad experience of unrequited or deceived infatuation can create a stereotype that all people are like this, and therefore it's better not to risk anymore and live alone.

What can parents do to avert all these and other dangers from their teenagers?

The best and most correct thing is to acquaint children with God from earliest childhood and begin telling teenagers about all problems and changes before they begin, before the world presents all these things in its own way in its own manner. Involve in service, in sports activities, while praying that the Lord would preserve their consciousness, help them understand laws of development, and protect from evil communities. Explain that falling in love is beautiful if you behave purely, friendly, honestly, don't hurry anywhere, and don't fear anything.

1. Please read Prov. 29:18; Rom. 12:9; Col. 3:5-6; 2 Sam. 11:2-5; Judg. 14:1-3; 16:1,5; Gen. 39:7-9; 1 John 4:7-8; Luke 17:1-2, in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What was revealed to you in this chapter?

4. From where should the teenager receive correct information about what happens to him during infatuation and how good and dangerous this is?

5. How does the world present infatuation?

6. Can the teenager instead of parents talk about his feelings with God? What's the difference?

7. How can the teenager's infatuation affect his prayer, studies, service, and attitude toward parents?

8. Why, as a rule, does first infatuation always pass?

9. Why does God call to keep oneself, one's thoughts, and one's body in purity until marriage?

10. Why is it dangerous to build relationships only on feelings?

11. How to show the teenager an example of real love?

12. Why doesn't real love hurry, manipulate, and thirst for attention?

13. How do I speak with the teenager about chastity and purity without pressure, but with spiritual depth?

14. Do I hear my teenager—or only demand obedience from him?