A Father's Letter to His Son in Love

"Dear son,

How I rejoice for you, watching how you're growing up at 16, how you're growing and how you delve into many things to understand how they work. I'll say honestly, you're becoming smarter than me in many things, stronger than me and more resourceful. And I'm not going to compete with you or get upset that you do something better—I can only rejoice that you succeed at it better than me.

And mom and I also noticed that you're in love. Your behavior, your smiles when reading messages, your long phone conversations, your new habits of caring for your appearance shout to us that you have a girlfriend whom you're not indifferent to. Don't fear this feeling—this is normal at your age, we also experienced this spring in our youth. This says that you're growing up and entering a new stage of relationships where you'll need to learn much. Yes, infatuation is the first step of that very great love, which is worth you understanding what this is and allowing yourself to figure this out.

But if we compare these concepts, then infatuation is not yet love, but a very pleasant experience that's more like weather. When the sun shines, warm wind blows, then you feel good and cozy, and it's so comfortable to live. But you don't build weather, but abide in it and get maximum pleasure from its cozy manifestations. And when bad weather happens, you want to hide, run away, find a secluded spot or put on protective clothing so as not to get wet and freeze.

Love is like building a house, in which you first study construction laws, then decide what you need, consult with the one who decides to build this house together with you, and proceed to laying the foundation so that all subsequent construction will withstand. Something good and kind isn't built quickly—this requires much time and strength, knowledge and desires. And then all your life this needs to be kept clean, periodically something needs to be added, something repaired, and something thrown out. The house needs to be protected from water, fire and bad weather, but at the same time have clean water inside, cozy fire and warm atmosphere.

Mom and I taught you very important and necessary things from birth, and now we see how this upbringing formed a free person out of you, who delves into the essence of things, has his own point of view, his own tastes and views on life. We also passed this path and now are a bit further than you, and therefore respect your choice.

Watching you, we sincerely rejoice at everything new that happens with you, but infatuation brings a new person into your life whom you don't know, who may not meet your expectations and what you imagine. But we ask you to remember that you're dealing with a living soul named woman, who has a heart and feelings, who, like you, is only entering adult life and doesn't know much, but wants to understand everything and have personal experience. Look at her as a personality who thinks not like you, behaves completely differently and is a complete opposite to you. And accept this as a fact that shouldn't be adjusted to yourself.

Don't let your new feelings take possession of you to such a degree that they begin to control you. Infatuation should be under control of your reason and will. God put this beautiful experience in you, and He will give you strength to humble any fire that will burn in you and try to burn all boundaries and rules.

Purity is the absence of dirt. Don't bring into your new relationships what the Lord doesn't approve of or forbids doing outside marriage. Don't let your new experiences deprive you of reason.

I can assure you that however good it may be for you in each other's company—this euphoria will someday pass, it can grow into more serious relationships and place responsibility on you or make you understand that you don't suit each other as a future family. And so that this won't be painful for you, make a decision now to be friends and relate kindly to each other, even if your paths diverge. Write this on paper—this decision will help you very much and be useful.

God gave you infatuation to test you, so that you yourself would see what you have in priority and what's more important for you. He's not against you being friends with girls and making serious plans for the future, but the Lord wants to understand where and in what place He will be in these plans. Will you take Him into your new relationships and will you consult with Him about what's good and what's bad?

From my personal experience I'll say: with God everywhere is good, and everywhere He blesses when you put Him in first place. The Lord knows who suits you best, so don't hurry to get ahead of events, but study the one who now occupies your thoughts and feelings. Figure out what kind of relationships this girl has with Jesus, whether she's taught to live in the purity of God's word. Does God stand in first place with her and how firm she is in biblical principles. In answer to your prayers the Lord will give you answers to all these questions and show more than you think.

When you were just born, mom and I dedicated you to God and prayed that He would choose and prepare the very best wife for you, and at the right time bring her to you and give you correct feelings. The Lord heard all our requests, and believe us—has already begun to answer our prayers. But He also respects your choice and won't give you someone against your will. We would be glad to know that you also pray for your future family, because answers to such prayers carry the greatest prospects.

Your mom and I also asked God for each other and prayed very seriously even when we were strongly in love with each other, to understand whether the Lord would approve our union. Judge for yourself how God answered.

I want to ask you a question: imagine that your girlfriend is someone's own sister. And how do you think, does her brother want to see her deceived and used by someone for personal pleasure? Would you want your sister to become someone's toy for a short time, and then suffer from this all her life? Do your parents want your life and happiness to be destroyed by foreign hands before they begin?

I'll tell you a secret: your mom is so beautiful that I constantly fall in love with her and don't know what to do with this. She's such a wonderful woman that I think I'm luckier with her than she is with me. But apparently she's not indifferent to me either. And it all began with us deciding in our friendship and infatuation not to allow what we could enjoy after in lawful marriage. And we succeeded in continuing communication without extra sensual pleasures, although sometimes we very much wanted to cross this boundary when we were alone.

In our infatuation we didn't abandon studies and work, service and domestic duties, we didn't worry if we couldn't meet or when we went away for long periods on important business. And when our infatuation grew into love, we understood that we couldn't do without a wedding. And you see what came of this.

With love, Your dad"

1. Please read Luke 1:3-4; Deut. 8:2; Matt. 5:8; 6:33; Job 31:1; Prov. 1:8-9; 3:5-6; 18:20; 23:24; 31:30; Eccl. 12:1; 2 Cor. 6:14; Jer. 29:11, in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What did you experience reading this lesson?

4. Why did God allow in man the ability to fall in love before marriage?

5. What dangers can be hidden in romantic feelings?

6. How can infatuation accelerate or slow down spiritual development?

7. What's more important—to be loved or to know how to love?

8. What does true respect for a girl's heart and her future consist of?

9. Is it necessary to pray for your child's future family while he's still small?

10. Why does love without God become dangerous?

11. Why is it so important that the father understands, knows, and respects his son's feelings?

12. Why is marriage not only love, but also covenant, duties, service, and sacrifice?

13. What does it mean to "seek a life companion in the Lord"?

14. Is it worth writing such letters to one's children?