Teenage Bullying

Bullying is systematic harassment, humiliation, or insult of one teenager or group of teenagers directed at another teenager. Unfortunately, such a phenomenon increasingly takes place in school institutions, and parents need to understand the cause of these actions and how to resist this. Your teenager can become a victim of such violence, he can also be an aggressor (bully), or he can take a passive observer position, which makes him part of the bully's team.

Bullying is evil that needs to be resisted at all levels, but not with retaliatory cruelty, but with a wise approach to this problem.

One shouldn't make the bully an outright scoundrel for whom prison weeps. No one specifically taught him such cruelty, and it can be a consequence of his personal problems with which he cannot cope independently. As a result, for self-realization he finds someone weaker and begins to harass him. And other classmates, accustomed to watching such scenes on the internet, are already taught to be passive viewers, and they're simply interested to know how this will end. It's not excluded that after harassing one, someone from the viewers could become the next.

Harassment can affect both young men and young women.

In many European countries, anti-bullying laws and rules are adopted in schools that protect the child's personality at his first appeal to appropriate authorities.

Bullying is not only a problem of victim and aggressor, but of the whole collective, including teachers.

A teenager who is taught how to behave correctly in such a situation will be able to resist with dignity this evil directed against him and not allow it to develop in relation to other classmates.

A bully is not the embodiment of courage and bravery, but a person trying to solve his inner problems by seeking a weaker victim. And if he doesn't meet resistance in his claims, then he becomes embittered and becomes bold and impudent, taking this behavior model into all other aspects of his life.

The principle of how bullying works is very simple: there's an attack on personality with the aim of destroying personal boundaries and bringing pain, fear, and offense. The aggressor feeds his strength at the expense of his victim's negative emotions. At first this looks like a trial attack by reconnaissance. There's probing of weak and strong sides, cautious jokes and insignificant mockery. If this works and the soul's protective boundaries collapse, then the bully feels his power and allows the enemy of the soul to use him as an instrument of destruction.

It would be wrong to respond with cursing to cursing and insult to insults. These are not the best methods of defense. The enemy of the soul wants to act through the victim too, and sends her such solutions that will make her more vulnerable for subsequent harassment. Tears, fear, grief, offense, anger, curses—these are victory trophies that enrich the aggressor and feed his self-love, making him a hero in the viewers' eyes.

It's important to teach the teenager self-control and establishing personal boundaries before someone begins to violate them. Stories that such cruel practice exists among children and teenagers and takes place even in some churches should be voiced by parents in personal conversation with children. This shouldn't be feared, as this evil can be effectively resisted and this topic can be closed at the root forever.

When the "supposed victim" hears insults or humiliations addressed to him, then this needs to be stopped through a statement about one's boundaries and dignity, without retaliatory insult.

For example:

• "It's unpleasant for me to hear such things from you!"

• "Thank you for telling me this, I'll take it into account"

• "I know I'm not yet perfect, and you're right in your assessment!"

• "What do you like about me?"

A teenager who knows his worth, who is loved by parents, who knows how to love and be friendly, will be taught by God at the right time and will receive special wisdom on how to resist this evil.

Jesus gave us an example of a Victor, and even His killers looked at Him with admiration and respect, fearing only that He would manifest His divine power against them.

Also the presence of faithful friends who will take the victim's side in such harassment will quickly destroy all the aggressors' plans.

Respect for the bully, absence of fear and retaliatory aggression will deprive him of desire to continue his ungodly actions.

But it may also be that your teenager will show weakness and allow himself to be humiliated, and allow a group of his peers to mock him. If parents noticed this and established the violator's identity, it's not a fact that their emotional intervention will protect their child. Here the problem concerns the whole collective, including teachers and school administration. And this problem will need to be solved more globally than intimidating the bully with cruel punishment in case of continued harassment.

Sometimes changing schools can become the best solution to this problem, as many teachers themselves create conditions for such situations.

Bullying destroys the teenager's psyche and health. This can cause depression, mental disorders, self-isolation, lack of interest in studies, decreased academic performance, and even thoughts of suicide. And in response to parents' desire to understand this, he will show irritation and aggression.

Why do teenagers behave so cruelly toward others? The answer is simple: "And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold" (Matt. 24:12). Absence of love at home, in friendship, in relationships spills over into such "entertainment" that's directed not only against believing children, but against those who don't know how to resist this and where to seek protection.

It's also worth not confusing bullying with beatings. A child being beaten by other children is a criminal offense, and it's necessary to react to this immediately by contacting police. Authorities have many levers of influence for stopping such violations. God often uses law enforcement to protect His chosen ones through secular laws.

Trusting relationships with Jesus, a loving home atmosphere, desire to be friendly with everyone make any teenager invulnerable to such attacks from the enemy of the soul.

Bullying is a spiritual battle where good and truth oppose evil, this is a collision of light and darkness, this is an attempt by forces of darkness to suppress good feelings in a person and sow fear, insecurity, and offense in him. Every teenager has the right not to succumb to such provocations, not to use the enemy of the soul's services, but to choose that victor's path that was revealed in Christ and in His attitude toward enemies. It's important to understand that bullying is a local phenomenon, not a problem of all life. If it's impossible to change something, then you can change the situation.

God gives many promises for difficult times, and He knows how to protect His children and will be a Helper in any situation. He wants His students to be free from fear, from evil spirit, so that God's light and love would shine in them, and their lips would be filled with wisdom and grace.

1. Please read Rom. 12:19-21; 1 Pet. 3:9; 2 Tim. 1:7; Isa. 41:10; Phil. 4:13; Matt. 11:28-29; Col. 3:12-13; Prov. 10:19; 15:1; 16:32; 18:21; 29:11; Eph. 4:2,29, in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What was revealed to you in this chapter?

4. What distinguishes bullying from ordinary conflict between teenagers?

5. Why is bullying called "systematic harassment," and what signs indicate systematicity?

6. Why does the bully choose specifically weaker victims rather than equals in strength?

7. How does modern media culture influence the formation of observer passivity, making them accomplices to many crimes?

8. Why is it important to teach the teenager protection from bullying before the problem arises?

9. What role do friends play in protection from bullying? Eccl. 4:12.

10. Why does the bullying problem concern the whole collective, including parents, teachers, and directors, and not only victim and aggressor?

11. When can parental intervention be ineffective or even harmful?

12. What role does home atmosphere play in protection from bullying?

13. How can prayer and trust in God help in a harassment situation?

14. Will God protect His children when He is asked about this?