"My Dad"

When my daughter was a teenager, I came up with an interesting game that we constantly played. The rules were simple: on Sunday morning, whoever first said "my dad" or "my daughter" got the right to make up the schedule for the entire day, and the loser had to actively participate in all planned activities. The only condition - not to say this phrase over a sleeping person. The rules came into effect only after everyone woke up. Of course, dad always "lost" to his daughter's delight.

My daughter enthusiastically made up a list of activities and trips, and I gladly accepted her plans. During these activities we visited all museums, saw attractions, went to zoos and other places with unique animals. We spent time in various restaurants and talked a lot with each other on different topics. Important condition: we agreed not to take phones and not to communicate with anyone except each other. I also understood the necessity of setting a certain budget, otherwise a teenager's appetites and demands can be unpredictably large. It is very pleasant to remember these hours spent together even now.

In addition to internet life, each of us has needs for love, friendly communication, time devoted personally to us, gifts and touches. When there is abundance of all these factors, the heart tunes to reciprocity, and there is no desire to satisfy these needs in the virtual world.

In our time, offering a teenager to spend a day without a smartphone is equivalent to going into a dense forest without a compass, map, food and water. You will hear many arguments about violating children's rights, about how boring this world is and how uninteresting everything you offer is. Don't be frightened by such statements - this is a normal reaction to which you need to be prepared. You cannot take away a smartphone and try to force good upon your teenager, but you can offer them something better than what they have on their smart phone.

A smartphone for a teenager is their world, their friends and circle of communication, meaning of life and perspective for the future. This is their mirror of the soul in which they see themselves through friends' eyes and their reactions to publications and messages. This is an island of safety and shelter from the external world where the teenager feels protected. This is constant hormonal addiction that the young mind is not yet able to control.

However, parents have a more powerful alternative to all virtual things - their love, personal presence, time, friendly spirit and respectful attitude that they can give to their children. If you think that for a modern teenager a phone means more than human communication, you are mistaken. When one of the parents dies, a teenager does not seek consolation in a phone. Loss of close people at this age is perceived very acutely, and no smartphone will compensate for this loss. Your children love you and need you more than you imagine.

Your offer about spending time together without phones should not sound like a reproach: "Well, how long can you sit on this internet!" It's better to say differently: "I want to spend a special day with you. You and I, and no smartphones. If you agree, then I turn off and put away my phone and am ready to completely immerse myself in communication with you."

It's important to set the time you will spend without phones and give a promise that devices will return after the event. By this you respect the child's choice and do not violate their boundaries. You should have a composed plan of actions, walks, activities and thematic conversations that will be interesting to the teenager. You can go somewhere together or go somewhere, cook something, play something, study something or just communicate on interesting topics. Everything should have respect for the teenager's boundaries and freedom. They should understand that you consider their tastes and offer what they can accept or reject.

Don't be afraid if a teenager refuses such pastime. Don't get indignant, don't get upset, but make it clear that if today this doesn't work out, your offer remains in force, and in the near future you will try to implement it again.

The presence of humor and sincere friendliness can contribute to success. For example, you can make a box with the inscription: "Hotel for phones. Peace, safety, massage, three meals a day and rest guaranteed." If the teenager is indifferent to your offer, say that you wish not to take away, but to give something better and unusual that they don't even suspect. The offer can sound like an unusual experiment that you want to conduct together with them.

If they agreed to the event but remain silent and show no interest, don't scold or blame them. Make it clear that this was a trial day, and next time it might be more interesting and exciting than today. Don't give up and look for what the teenager is interested in doing.

Always remember: a smartphone is not an enemy, but a means of communication, information and entertainment. But you have something more valuable that this gadget will never give: unconditional love, friendly communication, heart-to-heart conversation, gentle touches and hugs, personal participation in needs, walks and live games.

If you observe that a teenager is dependent on a smartphone, remember: for them life without this gadget means great stress, falling out of life, losing connection with the external world, feeling that they are being controlled and trying to deprive them of the right to personal life. For them silence is the most dangerous state in which they can get lost and not know what to do.

Parents offering life without phones need to be delicate, respectfully make offers, accept excuses and refusals, be on equal terms: if we refuse smartphones, then both.

There can be many ideas for spending time together. If your teenager doesn't like simple communication, come up with something unique and unusual. For example, prepare a dish without a recipe, dramatize some situation as an unusual show, declare a "beauty hunt" and find beautiful things around that you can admire. Visit childhood places, make a secret gift for relatives together, dress up in unusual images or let the teenager give you an unusual hairstyle and put an unusual outfit on you.

If everything went according to plan, in the evening be sure to discuss the past day and write down all the wonderful experiences that were lived through together. After this, establish a rule: once a month, week or quarter you will conduct similar activities and compose common scenarios. Share success at a common dinner with other family members, telling everyone what an amazing person you discovered in your child.

Quality time spent with a child is an investment in your relationship that will pay off with mutual trust and closeness for many years.

And remember that we are given a prophecy about these relationships, which is recorded in Mal. 4:6: "And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the earth with a curse."

1. Please read Ps. 127(128):3; Eph. 4:2; Gal. 6:9; Heb. 10:24-25; Prov. 13:20; 17:22; 29:15; 1 Cor. 6:12; Rom. 6:16; Matt. 6:21, in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What was revealed to you in this chapter?

4. Do you understand that the fight for your child's attention is a spiritual battle?

5. What emotions do you experience when your teenager is more interested in the phone than in communicating with you?

6. Can you distinguish between healthy and unhealthy use of technology by your child?

7. Do you understand your teenager's fears and anxieties regarding life without a smartphone?

8. What creative ideas for spending time together with your children come to your mind?

9. How to properly motivate a teenager to live communication without resorting to coercion and reproaches?

10. Are you ready to invest time and effort now for the sake of close relationships in the future?

11. What will your child remember about their childhood - a smartphone or time spent with you?

12. Do you know what your child dreams about and what worries them most?

13. What other activities or occupations can be invented to attract a teenager's attention to communication outside the phone?

14. By now changing communication and games with children to sitting on smartphones, are you ready for the fact that your children will ignore you in exactly the same way when they become adults?