Freedom

Raising a child, parental influence on a teenager, and further relationships between parents and grown-up children differ from one another, but at the same time do not remove from father and mother their right to be parents.

It is important to understand that the influence of the older generation on their children does not end at any age - it transforms from one format of relationships to another.

Until age 3, parents are nannies; at 6 they are commanders; at 10 - teachers; at 14 - mentors; at 17 - wise companions; at 20 - good friends; and after 25 - spiritual guides and a support group.

To correctly understand what role parents should play in their children's lives and when their authority to be parents ends, it is worth taking God as an example and His relationship with His children and disciples.

We read in Isaiah 46:3-4: "Listen to me, house of Jacob, and all the remnant of the house of Israel, you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain and rescue you."

When the time came for Jesus to part with His disciples, He gave them this comfort: "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you" (John 14:18).

Parents prepare their teenager for independent life, they teach that the time will come when children will have to leave their father's house forever to arrange their lives independently of others. But when this time of parting comes in connection with the teenager's move to a new place of study or to their new housing at their place of work, or when a new family is created, this does not mean that the son or daughter is now completely free and can do whatever they want. This means that the children have become more independent, but have not stopped needing spiritual guidance and friendly support from their parents.

Sometime it will be necessary to tell the teenager that they are already an adult and can live as they want, choose their life path independently and bear responsibility for their choice. In fact, teenagers eagerly await the day when they will finally gain complete freedom, when they can decide for themselves how to live and what to believe, but they do not want to be abandoned and become "orphans" with living parents.

To release a teenager to freedom in the correct understanding of this meaning means to change the format of your influence, but always be nearby to lend a shoulder or show the best way out of a difficult situation.

Do not mask your indifference and apathy under respect for freedom. It is important to understand that an independent teenager does not yet have life experience, their psyche is not yet formed, and their heart continues to need unconditional love and wise guidance. Their brain is not yet accustomed to coping with many tasks and the volume of all kinds of decisions, and their psyche needs relief. Freedom without boundaries becomes permissiveness, and a young person does not see many dangers of such a state. And if they do not have firm spiritual guidelines, then the enemy of souls will certainly use this situation to cause harm.

Wise shipbuilders work for many years not to release a finished ship onto underwater reefs and rocks and then watch as the result of their painstaking labor sinks, but so that the product of their creativity can meet any bad weather and storm with dignity and faith, exposing their sides to the blows of waves and reaching the intended goal without any internal damage.

When any of us is born into this world, the first thing doctors do is cut the umbilical cord, but then they give the baby into the mother's hands.

In a teenager's life, you should not focus on their age and think that at 18 they should start independent life outside their father's house. Some teenager may already be independent and organized at 15, while someone may still be a child at 20, afraid to make their choice without parental consent.

"Cutting the umbilical cord" in adolescence needs to be done wisely and correctly.

For example: you don't give money, but teach them to earn it; you don't monitor, but show interest and trust; you don't impose your opinion or decision, but reason and are open to dialogue; you don't force them to read spiritual things, but share what touched you; you give freedom to make independent decisions, but continue to pray for your children.

The goal of parents is not to control the maturing personality, but to maintain unconditional love and influence.

Instead of the phrase: "Decide for yourself, you're already an adult!" - it's better to say: "How do you see the solution to this issue? If it will be difficult for you to figure it out yourself, then I'm nearby to support you."

Remember the behavior of the loving father from the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15). He did not condemn, but waited. He did not take revenge, but accepted. He did not get angry, but rejoiced at the return. He did not stop being a loving father when his love was being tested, but believed that something would change and the son would learn something. He did not run after the son who decided to leave, but waited with love and accepted him without reproaches, but with joy.

The real freedom that parents should give their teenager is not external, but internal. It is born when the teenager understands that they are loved, that they are dear and needed, that freedom is not the absence of boundaries, but the transfer of responsibility, light and love and respect for their choice.

A free son or daughter should not lose sight of you, but understand that you are nearby, that you are available and interested in their success, and can empathize with their difficulties and trials. That in your face they have real friends who will understand, not condemn, and will always come to help if needed.

If your teenager, having received freedom, declares that they don't need God or aren't interested in church, then most likely they are just confused and need to be convinced otherwise. Find out the reason for such a decision and don't say: "Live as you want!"

It may seem to you that your son is completely grown up, and your daughter is already independent and can live as she wants. But don't rush to such conclusions, don't give them to this world without a fight. There are many ways to convince them otherwise, but even if this doesn't work out, let them know that you continue to love them and have a firm position. Become a spiritual guide for them, and this will have the proper influence on their consciousness and further choice. Let your life become that navigator that doesn't scold, but rebuilds the route and offers the best path, respecting their choice.

Don't make mistakes by giving freedom too early and making children "orphans," or too late, fearing to lose influence on the teenager's life and choice.

Remember: freedom is not a path away from parents, but a path to personal responsibility. "You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh..." (Gal. 5:13).

A teenager needs experienced people not to control them when they make mistakes or stand at crossroads, but who will be nearby to help and support during difficult periods.

Be an eagle that drops chicks from a cliff, but always flies nearby, extending its wings, not wanting them to crash, but to teach them to use their wings and fly through life without fear.

You are now not the captain of the ship, but a lighthouse in the raging sea.

1. Please read 2 Cor. 3:17; John 8:36; 1 Cor. 10:23; 1 Pet. 2:16; Eccl. 11:9; Rom. 14:12; Ps. 26(27):10; 126(127):1; Prov. 17:17; Luke 15:20, in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What was revealed to you in this chapter?

4. What is freedom?

5. Why does freedom without boundaries turn into permissiveness or anarchy?

6. What is the difference between freedom from parents and freedom to responsibility?

7. How to help a teenager see that true freedom is not the absence of control, but the presence of wisdom?

8. How to remain a mentor for an adult son or daughter without intruding into their personal space?

9. Why is it important to "release" a teenager but not abandon them?

10. What mistakes do parents make by giving freedom too early or too late?

11. What lesson does the behavior of the father in the parable of the prodigal son give us?

12. Why did Jesus say: "I will not leave you as orphans" and how does this relate to parents?

13. What can be a dangerous consequence if a teenager receives freedom without guidelines?

14. How to make sure that a child, even after leaving home, always feels your love, availability and participation?