Life After the Crisis

It would not be entirely right to speak only about the problems experienced during a spiritual crisis. Although such a crisis takes place in the life of every believer and may last for years for some, it is not part of God’s plan for us to remain in this condition for life. Unfortunately, someone’s spiritual growth may become stuck precisely in this phase, from which the person has no intention of emerging because he finds certain advantages in this condition. Some people enjoy this kind of suffering and may regard it as a cross they must carry throughout their lives. But this is an illusion; it is not God’s will.

The Lord desires to see us as overcomers, with the banner of love waving above our heads, a happy spirit within us, and friendly relationships among us.

When I lived through my spiritual crisis, I cannot say that I was especially depressed or crushed, because life around me continued: I fellowshipped with friends, raised my daughter, and fulfilled all kinds of family and church responsibilities. But amid all this, my spirit was passing through a dark forest and sifting through every kind of earthly and spiritual value, which was ceasing to be valuable in my eyes. The personal gold of my soul was being purified from impurities.

I do not know why I began asking God for love—that very eternal agape love—but at a certain point in my crisis, I understood that I did not possess it and that without it I would simply perish in this world. My knowledge had no meaning if it was not mixed with love.

As usual, I turned to God with this new thirst for His love, expecting Him to remain silent as He always had. But in this case, I understood that the Lord answered my prayer immediately. Interesting thoughts began entering my mind, directing my understanding toward the path of love and inspiring me to take certain specific actions. My entire life appeared before me in an unattractive light, and the Lord showed me how much work He would have to accomplish in my heart, which did not know how to love but was desperately trying to do so.

I was overjoyed by this turn of events. I describe it this way: it was as though something switched within my mind, and a very bright light of heavenly origin began to shine. Together with this light, a special joy entered my life, and it has not left me to this day. I understood something very important for myself: now I would be able to love everyone truly because God had begun to endow me with this heavenly treasure.

From that time onward, all my prayers and conversations with God centered on the love I so desperately wanted to possess. I no longer merely asked for it; I thirsted for it and pleaded with my Savior for it with special persistence, asking for wisdom in applying this new quality of the soul.

I cannot say that I became a loving person in a single moment, because my carnal nature was accustomed to behaving in the usual way in certain situations. All of this caused me much disappointment in myself. But I understood that love must prevail in all these trials and have the final word and the final period, after which a new approach to a familiar situation begins.

My journey inward ended with a new phase of transition to the stage of moving outward. I greatly desired to share the new light and revelations that filled my heart. Every day, the Lord revealed to me the advantages of love and created situations in which it could be applied in practice. I learned to place love into everything I did, understanding that this approach is the most correct way of life for a loving person.

There were so many revelations from God that I began to forget them and could not retain in my memory all these blessings of a new understanding of agape love. I constantly shared my revelations with all my friends. They rejoiced for me, but they did not understand what was happening to me or what I wanted from them. I wanted to speak about love, share it, and bring it into our relationships. I longed to meet another person as strange as my brothers and sisters considered me to be.

I did not understand that someone might fail to understand me in my love. After all, I love, and it comes from my heart and from my whole soul. I am happy at all times.

I am friendly, and in this friendship I search for new friends so that I may learn to love them truly and make their lives more beautiful. All this filled me so completely that every conversation I had was about love and how wonderful it is.

It seemed to me that the sun shining in my soul also shone upon other people, and that they could freely share the joys of their lives with me and I would understand them. But something strange happened. The more love I showed and the more I spoke about it, the more hostility I encountered toward me. People began to consider me a hypocrite and a somewhat strange person, and I had to restrain myself when my heart was overflowing with joy and love.

I did not understand why the world hates loving people so much. I was called a liar, a fanatic, and an actor. I was assured that all this would pass and that I would reveal the true repulsive face of the carnal person who lives in each of us. But my love did not pass away, because each time I asked God for it and received it to resolve my difficult tasks and questions.

The Bible’s stories and accounts of how people are persecuted, accused, pursued, and killed because of love helped me greatly. Through His life, Jesus showed me what those who carry love in their hearts experience and what awaits them at the end of life. I understood that the cross is the highest reward this world gives to a loving person. Understanding that I could not avoid such a culmination, I accepted this revelation and carry it in my heart as a cherished dream—to receive such a reward for my love.

I also understand that the life of a loving person is in God’s hands, from which no one can snatch me away.

The path of love and friendship is the most beautiful path of a happy life that God has prepared for us. There is nothing more beautiful in this vain earthly life than to love, to thirst for this love, and to receive it from God in order to pass it on.

I cannot say that no more crises ever occurred in my life after this. They came and were resolved in one way or another, but my experiences were no longer as difficult as they had been when I wandered through the dark forest for years. Love resolves every crisis very easily, and it guards my heart from empty anxieties. In every new crisis, I ask myself the most important questions: “Do I possess love?” and “Has Christ left me?” And after receiving an affirmative answer from the Lord through His presence in my life and within me, I calmly endure every trial.

At the end of time, in one way or another, all those who believe in Christ must become overcomers whom the world will sentence to death and attempt to carry out this sentence against. When I step onto the path of faith in Jesus, I come under the death sentence of the world and Satan, who will desire to carry out this verdict. I do not know to what extent the Lord will permit all of this to be fulfilled in my life, but I am prepared for the fact that anything can be expected from the world.

The stages of spiritual growth in a personal relationship with Christ are filled with special meaning and a happy spirit, which can be experienced only by passing through this time with love.

Questions for Reflection:

Please read 1 Corinthians 13:1–3; John 13:34–35; 16:33; 1 Peter 1:6–7; Colossians 3:14; 1 John 3:14; 4:7–8, 16; Ephesians 4:15.
What other Bible verses came to your mind?
What did you understand?
Have you asked God for genuine agape love, or are you satisfied merely with knowledge about it?
Is the joy of salvation present in your heart, or has faith become a burdensome obligation?
What values lost their meaning for you during spiritual trials?
Do people try to hide their inner emptiness behind church activity?
How do you respond when your love is mistaken for hypocrisy?
Are you willing to continue loving even when you receive no love in return?
When was the last time you wept before God because of the lack of love in your heart?
Are you afraid of appearing to be a “strange person” because of love and kindness?
Do you harbor hidden resentment toward God because of the crises you have experienced?
What changed in your relationships with people after your encounter with God’s love?
Do you desire to make the lives of other people brighter and more joyful?