A Longing for a Close Friend

Emerging from the dark night of the soul partially resolves my inner crisis, but it does not answer all my questions. The journey within myself leads me to a special longing for friendship. Simple greetings and handshakes no longer satisfy me. I need someone with whom I can calmly discuss spiritual matters, share my new revelations, and speak about the questions that concern me. Although I do all this with Jesus, and He strengthens me wonderfully and gives me His blessing, I understand that I also need a living person with whom I can have close spiritual fellowship.

My longing for friendship is so great that I see a potential friend in every brother or sister and try to build bridges of communication. But not everyone understands or accepts me. To some, my sincere interest seems strange, and they distance themselves from me just in case. I understand that there is something unusual about my behavior, but I cannot help it, because my soul longs for a close friend. My close friend is someone to whom I can reveal my innermost secrets, who is ready to listen without condemning me, and who will be glad to see and hear me. In Jesus I have found such a Friend. He is ready to listen to me around the clock and to remain near me. Such an attitude moves me to abide in constant prayer and fellowship with Christ when I am alone or when questions arise that I urgently need to discuss with Him. He is very attentive and tactful, and such fellowship is pleasing to Him.

But I cannot speak to God about my love for Him if I do not have a beloved friend like myself. And it seems to me that this longing for friendship is given by God so that I may properly develop within myself those Divine qualities of the soul with which the Lord endows me in my spiritual growth. I cannot escape from my neighbors. The Lord does not call me to lead an ascetic life and live completely alone in the wilderness. He places me in society and teaches me, in precisely such surroundings, to develop and reveal all the good qualities of His character with which He endows me.

The longing to have a friend is a special experience that nothing in this world can satisfy except a true friend. Naturally, my search is directed first of all toward those close to me who are members of my congregation or whom I have known for a long time. But because many of them already know me well and do not believe in my spiritual changes, they remember the experience of past mistakes and awkward incidents in our relationships and, just in case, do not let me come too close. This distance may also be caused by personal selfishness and dislike for me, which I likewise cannot change.

As a result, I decide to make new friends who will know me from the moment I offer them my friendship. I take uncertain steps, pray, worry, and remember the sayings of the wise of this world that the older one becomes, the harder it is to make new friends. Yet I still take the risk and, breaking all the rules, find new friends with whom I begin to build relationships.

I very much want to learn the story of friendship not from someone else’s experience but from my own. Together with Jesus, I plan and develop ways of making friends that are new to me. If the Bible teaches that “a man that hath friends must shew himself friendly,” I believe that this is possible in my life as well. I ask Jesus to teach me friendliness. Knowing that friendship is not love, but understanding that love without friendship is impossible, I learn to be a friend. I am deeply interested in understanding the laws and principles of friendship and in being the kind of true friend who will not be crossed out of someone’s life or treated with neglect. Oh, if only someone had given me suitable literature during those days of searching and fervent prayer! Why did the Lord not send a mentor into my life who could have told me about the laws of friendliness and taught me this science? Instead, I have to be a pioneer for myself and gain my own experience through trial and error.

The Lord is a great Teacher.

Along this path, He teaches me to sense the needs of other people, enter into their problems, hear the voice of their hearts, and value what He gives me. I take timid steps toward a new friend, while Jesus inspires me to move forward and not be afraid. Amazing miracles take place: I receive what my soul longs for. A new friend appears in my life—first one, then another, and then more and more. The newness of these relationships delights us with its unusual blessings, and because we are united, we have things to talk about and things to share.

I would like to point out that I do not go into the world or visit restaurants in search of new friends. I avoid every kind of disco and dating club. I need believers—friends who believe in God—because although a worldly person may share some common interests with me and feel friendly affection for me, my spiritual values will always remain foreign to him, and he will not be able to satisfy my longing for spiritual friendship.

Having gained experience in making new friends, I prepare new places in my heart for those whom I do not yet know but who will surely appear in my life in response to my friendliness. I rejoice at every opportunity to make a new friend and gladly pray about it, passing through great and unusual experiences as I meet new people.

Through all kinds of groups on social media, I can also very quickly find friends from around the world with whom I am of one spirit and share common spiritual interests. The Lord teaches me to understand people and not to give that which is holy to those who are unable to value it. My heart wants to be open to every person, but it does not want to fight with friends; it longs for someone who will be like Jesus.

In my process of coming to know myself, the Lord awakens a longing for friendship and helps me move into the stage of the journey outward. I decide to become an open person, because I understand that a person who has withdrawn into himself will interest very few people apart from a psychologist who decides to make money from him.

In my friendliness, I want to be genuine—the kind of person from whom others do not want to walk away when he appears on the horizon. Therefore, I try not only to find people I like for future friendship, but also to examine my own heart so that I myself may be a pleasant person to others.

My prayers to God become purposeful, and I ask Him to remove from my heart every form of selfishness that could destroy any relationship. The Lord begins to cleanse my heart, and this is not always the most pleasant time in life. But I already understand that such a fire is necessary and that friendship with wonderful people is worth becoming a wonderful person myself.

As I make new friends, I understand that I greatly need unconditional love in order to be friends with them, because friends are different, and not every friend is a true friend. It is very unpleasant to realize that someone is using your friendliness for personal gain. But what concerns me most is that I myself must not become a self-seeking friend.

The Lord reveals to me that every proper friendship must involve sacrifice, and I am ready for this.

1. Please read Proverbs 17:17; 18:24; John 15:13–15; Amos 3:3; Romans 12:10; 1 Thessalonians 5:11; Colossians 3:13; Ephesians 4:2; 1 Peter 4:8; 1 John 4:7.

2. What other Bible verses came to your mind?

3. What did you understand?

4. Is there someone in your life whom you can call a true friend?

5. Is there sincere friendliness within me, or only a desire to be accepted?

6. What is friendship?

7. Must we respect other people’s boundaries in friendship?

8. Are you ready to sacrifice your time for new friends?

9. What qualities of the soul are necessary for close friendship?

10. Why do some people use friendship for selfish purposes?

11. Should the presence of unworthy people in the world cause us to give up the search for new friends?

12. What makes it very difficult to make new friends?

13. Have you ever had a longing in your heart to make new friends?

14. What do you think: is the longing for friendship a longing from God, or is it a human need?