The Journey Outward

The journey within myself brings no particular joy in life either to me or to those around me. Nor do I find anything within myself that I could display and thereby amaze the world. Yet in this unusual state I found the One Who loves me very, very much and gladly accepts me, the One Who reveals to me the depth and essence of very interesting things and facts. But I understand that I should not remain within myself for too long and that this journey must come to an end.

My relationship with Jesus has brought into my life a deeper understanding of God’s will concerning me, the church, and ministry.

I suddenly began to realize clearly that the ministry I performed at the third stage of faith was more like service to myself. As ashamed as I am to admit it, I greatly enjoyed other people’s appraisal of my work. Their enthusiasm and praise for my successes in God’s work were a powerful engine that stirred up my zeal, while applause gave me such a strong incentive that I was ready to labor tirelessly day and night. But it was this excessive enthusiasm that led me to inner burnout. I misjudged my strength and realized that I was very weak. It was extremely difficult for me to admit this.

Having spent time within myself, I came to understand a great deal, and I believe I set my priorities in the right order. The Lord draws me onward; my spiritual growth is not finished. He brings me to the fifth stage of faith and invites me to enter it.

5. The journey outward.

I understand that I must return to my ordinary tasks—those I never stopped doing during this time, or those I set aside for the period of reflection—but now I should take them up with a clearer understanding of what is happening.

I am in God’s service, and He evaluates everything I do differently from the way people do. It is very important for me to know what He thinks of me and how He sees what I am doing. The opinions of those close to me are very valuable when they help me see my mistakes and failures, but praise, admiration, and applause do not interest me, although I do not prevent my brothers and sisters from expressing their joy in this way.

I am in God’s service, and everything I do, I do for Him.

My approach to things becomes more conscious and balanced. I understand that not every undertaking called God’s work is right for me or produces the expected result. I have learned to weigh and analyze. What draws me more is the depth of the relationships among brothers and sisters in all these activities. If our work together does not lead us to friendship and understanding, we should find the cause and remove it.

God’s approval is the chief motive that moves me. Whether the work is great or small is not so important, for I am not the one who blesses it and grants it success; that is done by the One Who moved me to perform this work faithfully and with a pure heart. At the same time, I am not deprived of the right to choose, and I recognize my responsibility before God.

I reconsider many forms of ministry and decide which one is closer to my heart and in which I could use my talents to do something good.

I become strange in the eyes of many of my friends, although I understand everyone who has remained at or is growing through the preceding stages. I also realize that my stage of faith is no better than the others; it is simply a continuation of my growth. Yet we are all in the one Body of Christ and cannot exalt ourselves above one another. We are called to help and serve one another more effectively.

What I do sometimes causes those close to me great bewilderment and many questions. They begin to regard me as strange and mysterious, and I cannot explain to them that I have become different because of the invisible trials I had to endure. God has done something within me that I cannot simply take and return to its former level. After knowing and possessing depth in revelation and in my relationship with Jesus, it is very difficult to swim on the surface and be satisfied with little. I always long to be near Him and to have Him with me. Our friendship has brought us so close that I cannot imagine life without this relationship. All my future ministry and my entire life are dedicated to Him.

The family problems and difficulties that often used to disable me and throw me off balance are now perceived as ordinary trials over which I should not worry excessively or stubbornly defend my position. We do not live together in order to wage war over spheres of authority and influence. But if one’s life partner cannot live without conflict, I ask for strength and wisdom to endure and bear it all.

But I continue onward and see very clearly that I greatly need love—that very agape love without which all my labor and ministry lose their meaning. I do not merely wish to understand that I am doing something correctly; I also want to have the right motive in every undertaking. I see that love must be present in my heart. Much is said about it, and I continue to ask Heaven for this gift as well.

I believe that God hears me and that He answers, but not in the way I expect.

He plunges me into darkness. Once again I find myself in a dark forest and do not understand why I am being treated this way. It hurts to be tormented like this, cast into the fire and into anguish of soul. But I have learned to trust Jesus, and this darkness does not frighten me. I can turn back; I can remain where I came from; but I decide to go forward. Once again, my values are reassessed, and I ask God what will happen next and what end I should expect. In His love, God shows me a beautiful future. I see a cross; I see a man crucified upon it and recognize myself. Such a reward surprises me, but I immediately begin to understand that the world is capable of nothing more, and this is what awaits me in response to my love—in response to that agape which never faileth. In the crowd around the cross, I see familiar faces gladly pronouncing sentence upon me. Then I look at the cross and now see the Savior there, taking this blow upon Himself. I realize that I am no better than Christ and that the world has not become kinder toward His disciples, but I must choose this in order to continue onward. And I do. I cannot imagine a way back. I am not afraid of the fire if Jesus is in it; I am not afraid of the cross if it is necessary. In a sense, I die to this world, although I continue to breathe.

I give my life to Christ and express my consent to everything God has planned for me. I have the choice to go forward, and I take this step of faith, for my soul longs for something greater—something eternal and real. I open the door of my heart, and the Lord enters. But He does not bring a hammer and nails; instead, He gives me Heavenly bread such as I have never tasted before. We sit down at the table and begin the meal. He speaks and I listen; then I ask and He answers. I ask what will happen next, and Jesus assures me that in the future He will not leave me, but will show me great and inaccessible things that I do not know, though I have heard so much about them.

Together we enter a new stage of our relationship and experiences.

I understand that my discoveries at this stage have not ended; they are only beginning. Before me stretches the boundless ocean of God’s love, which I will have to receive and come to know. I boldly enter its dark waters, and beside me is the One Who will never leave me, but will show and explain everything to me.

Questions for Reflection:

Please read 2 Corinthians 4:17–18; 5:4–5, 7; Philippians 1:9; 3:17; 2:12–14; 3:8–14; Ephesians 3:16–21; Hebrews 12:2–3; Isaiah 30:15; 2 Corinthians 10:17–18; Revelation 3:8.
Do you understand what is being discussed? What exactly did you understand?
Are you familiar with this subject of the stages of faith?
Why did the Lord establish these stages of spiritual growth in this particular sequence?
Do you know anyone who has reached the fifth stage? Can such people be identified by sight?
Do you believe that this stage is accessible to you as well?
Do pastors, elders, and church board members automatically enter the highest stage of faith because of the positions they hold?
Why is the entire church unable to move beyond the third stage of faith?